I want to tell you a story of a little girl who loved to sing. 

When I was a little girl I sang all the time. I especially loved the part from The Little Mermaid where Ariel is just singing this repeating melody while the prince falls in love with her. “AAA aaa AAA aaa.”

I watched that and Beauty and the Beast on Repeat. I also loved Rainbow Brite and some Barbie Rockstar movies because of the singing.

I collected Betty Boop (and many other) stickers just because she had a theme song I liked.

I loved the girl dinosaur from Barnie and made my dad donate money to PBS so I could have a stuffed animal. This was before the updates to the costumes made their head so squished.

When I was seven and we entered a more prosperous period, my dad bought a keyboard.  I remember it played the melody of  “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go.” I would dance around it as the melody played and drive my dad crazy as I played it again and again.

I did that also by playing the Clueless soundtrack, you know the “and my hair will shine like the sea, seeee-eee-eee” song.

Luckily being a musician my dad was pretty tolerant of all of this nonsense. 

At times I would ask him to give me a topic and I would make a song out of it. He’d say one thing and I’d reject in favor of flowers or rainbows or something totally different.

In fifth grade I reached my peak by lip sinking “Spice Up Your Life” at a Talent Show. I was sporty which was awesome because I could do this sweet spinning kick I learned in karate.

Early in middle school I met friends that I still hang out with today. We recorded our own video to “Heartbreaker” by Mariah Carey.

Shortly after entering middle school we entered the age of self consciousness.

 I talk about my trials in my short story “How I Became a Writer and a Witch” but in sum, something happened to suck the fun out of singing.

I became afraid to sing because I have a hard time remembering lyrics. For me it’s the same as directions–I need like 20 repetitions to consistently spit out the same words. Don’t ask me why.

Looking back now I know I have a great memory for the sounds of songs, and I can make up lyrics off the top of my head. Not that I can remember them later either lol.

I kept quiet because I didn’t want to be made fun of for singing things “wrong”—which even my friends did without realizing it really hurt my confidence.

Instead I played flute in band, danced–all to routines, nothing I made up. Nothing really putting me on the spot.

If I sang it was in my car to Fiona Apple, or at home mimicking the sounds of my dads Irish music, or things in foreign languages (no one could correct me!).

My friend recorded over the music video. I didn’t blame her. I was embarassed.

For years I was too embarrassed to sing.

Several years ago I tried out for another Talent show and my voice crackled from the pressure. I still got the spot singing “I Want to Hold Your Hand.”

After I performed at least ten or fifteen people told me I did a good job.

But you know what? I didn’t feel on top of the world because of that.

The pay off was doing it for myself.

I have often been told I am brave or courageous to pour my heart out, to be honest about my life, my hurts, my pain.

There is bravery that is unhealthy and for a long time I used my bravery to ask a guy out who probably wasn’t good for me, or to go in for an interview for a job that wasn’t right, or to put myself out seeking praise or approval.

The kind of bravery I covet now is the kind where the real payoff is for my soul.

A while ago I wrote in Healing Blue Moon, how proud I was to actually record one of the songs I made up on the spot. It’s completely silly–but it felt realllly good.

The last post was my recent performance of “Reflections” from Mulan. This was really open for me because that’s my song, that is my story—being afraid to be myself full out.

Well this is how I became a singer, in addition to being a writer, an intuitive, a massage therapist (even though I have an ivy league degree). Because I decided the ultimate bravery is to do things that I wanted to do even if no one else cared.

That’s why I took singing lessons the past couple months.

And this week, I listened to an old intuitive reading. I was advised that I could do sound therapy “use your voice, use your flute. You don’t need a certification, the power to do it is inside of you.”

And so I did. I just opened my mouth and sang, used my visualization and channeling techniques to direct the energy at each chakra. Used my flute too. Added a crystal.

And bam. I could feel it an hour later like I had given my chakras a deep tissue massage.

At first I was scared to share with my intuitive development teacher. What if she didn’t feel anything? She loved it!

And so a sound healer is born. 

Unblock yo’self. You have no idea how important it is to give the world your gifts. 

If you need help, please know I am here.

I will be a vendor of my sound healing, massage and more in the Manifest Goddess Tent at KarmaFest this Saturday in Maryland.

Please share—have you been shy to sing? But do you sing when no one else is around?

First public vocal performance in years. Many  thanks to my teacher Nancy Notargiacomo.

Read Healing Blue Moon 

Good Day Glorious Ones!

If you are looking to hang out with someone for Thank Goddess It’s Friday or the Weekend, then throw on this video of my friends Kris Oster and my new friend Nicky Tillyer.

We talked about:

the importance of creativity,

how it changed our lives,

what it means to be authentic and in business when you hate salsyness

and more stuff.

Check it:

Twenty-eight year old Jet, the former Mossad operative from the eponymous novel JET, must battle insurmountable odds to protect those she loves in a deadly race that stretches from the heartland of Nebraska to the corridors of power in Washington, D.C., from the lurid streets of Bangkok to the deadly jungles of Laos and Myanmar. Fans of Kill Bill, the Bourne trilogy, and 24 will be delighted by this roller-coaster of action, intrigue and suspense.

 

Another JET book by Russell Blake. This sequel to the first book* builds on the themes I have come to expect having read The Voynich Cypher by him as well. 

 

Lately, if I’m going to read a thriller, I’m going to read Russell Blake.

 

Here’s the skinny:

 

1.  It’s Blakian, alright.

 

All Present—International intrigue, shady political factions, black market rings, and kick ass ladies in a man’s world. 

 

2.  Starts off a bit slow.

 

The very first chapter of this book is out of the linear storytelling. Some guy is stumbling along in the woods.

 

I didn’t understand what was going on and I didn’t understand why it was so long.

 

But don’t give up the book–it’ll speed up fast. 

 

Surprisingly I thought this first chapter was the weakest point of the book. 

 

3. JET shows her softer side.

 

This book really shows JET open up. She’s an abuse survivor turned lethal killer turned freebird. Finally we see her truly open up with compassion, trust and love. 

 

I like this pattern because it speaks to modern women. We juggle the need to be strong with empathy and need for love.

 

 It’s complicated and that makes for a nice plot.

 

I dig it! Looking forward to the next.

Source: Victory of the People

I am grateful that my site is read at all. I used to have blogs that crawled in hits. I am always surprised to check the counter and see it hundreds higher.

I am grateful.

Thank you.

Abstract BlueGreen by Sofia Wren

I want to say thank you to all the people who chance upon this blog. Thank you for visiting once or many times, or leaving a comment or following my posts here or on social media.

I am very grateful that I’ve had this space to share the essence of everything that I felt afraid to be open about in my real life. Almost 40,000 visitors in a little over a year. Wow. I’ve had a lot of blogs, but never had incentive to get my words out there  before.

A pen name for me represented the ability to express myself without compromise despite the huge limitations I had around walking my talk in my real life, ie my job, my business, my massage therapy practice. I really couldn’t see a reality where I could have everything under one name. I felt I just didn’t fit in anywhere.

The time has come for my disparate parts to come together.

When any part of us is boxed as separate it becomes a more extreme version. 

When Sofia Wren and my birth name Sofia Nitchie soon combine, things will be calmer.

 I’ve considered Sofia Wren, previously Wren Doloro, to be my edgy side. The side that dared to be different, dared to rebel, dared to be an individual freethinker innovator change maker. The lady busting down doors to stand on top.

Edge as in innovation, is what I am about. Step over the edge. I want to encourage people to evolve, to empower others to develop to their full potential and have that ripple across the world.

BUT in real life what I am not about is conflict. Thus what I am not about is rebellion. This is a shift.

What I have really been rebelling against is my own box.

What I have really been rebelling against are my own ideas about who and what I have to be to fit in with other people.

There are people like me out there, they just aren’t in line with the dominant culture right now. But I don’t have to cram myself into the cracks of a culture that isn’t mine. I’ll start my own.

I’m different. I am dreamy. I have a streak of badass, but I don’t want to be fighting. Rebels fight. I turned away from a career in politics or law because I didn’t want to fight. I could be making lots of money miserably tallying up billable hours right now.

I’m really just a creative soul in a linear world.

I want my life to be about healing and teaching others to transform their lives. So I will start with myself.

There will be many changes. This blog is moving. I am moving….forward. Not on. I am not dropping everything I’ve built here, but my voice is changing. Stepping over the edge.

Remember http://www.sofiawren.com

This is what happens when someone heals. Please understand I am all of me, the passion still burns, but it is a steady flame now as I tend it. No more rages, no more dampening out, instead there is even light and constant warmth.

Be ready, massive shifts are occurring.

Sofia Wren is headed out of my mind, and out of my computer, and into the sunshine.

wee! Yeah I tried hard to be serious this whole post. But I’m happy. It’s rebirth time.

And as another thanks for sticking with me, here’s a video of baby turtles that brought tears to my eyes. <3

Now it’s May Day. In addition to appreciating nature, we must also give honor to the ancestors that allow new birth to occur.

“Healthy eating, daily yoga, a determined mental attitude and getting a lot of money off of wasted men on weekends is the key to success.”

Jobless, heartbroken and broke, new college graduate Laila Lucent packs up her car and drives alone across the country to her new life as a Las Vegas stripper. 

In an empowering, intelligent and hilarious memoir of self-discovery, 22-year-old Laila takes us deep inside the best, most infamous, strip club in Las Vegas, the Spearmint Rhino. 

From living with homeless drug addicts, to practicing yoga on the beaches of Costa Rica, from threesomes with wealthy foreigners, to dancing at the best music festivals in the world, The Yoga Stripper is a wickedly funny reverse fairy tale where morality is flexible, money is fast, and clothing is discouraged.

Wahoo! In my trip to Italy a few weeks ago I had the pleasure of devouring this book. I had gathered several memoirs to absorb during the editing of my own sexual searching empowering memoir.

This one was the best. I have been doling out 5 star reviews SO rarely, that the last review was in August 2012, over six months ago! It really means a lot.

Why I love this book:

1. It’s real.

It’s tempting to gloss over things in memoir. Like illegal stuff for instance. After treking across the country to Vegas with  no contacts and only a bit of money, Laila doesn’t hide smoking pot with her recovering heroine addict roommates, or the drugs she took at raves. She doesn’t gloss over the fact she accepted money to spend a day and night with a couple with relationship issues.

2. It’s revealing.

Laila not only has the courage to reveal herself,  but she casts a bright light on the people around her. The guys, the industry, the crazy paradox that men start out life on the breast only to have to pay to see them later. She doesn’t take shit, and she doesn’t hold back. It’s courageous, entertaining and I like it. I know that this takes guts!! It is so easy to get into a protective mode of other people, but when it come’s down to it, it’s her life and her story.

3. It’s empowering.

Laila’s story isn’t the story of a miserable girl choosing to strip in a deadend bar. She has a degree. She chose to live the life knowing it paid, and knowing it would be an adventure to talk about later. She quickly gets a job in one of the biggest places in Vegas, the Rhino. She describes her learning the stripping talent as one of a predator not a victim. And in her story, mostly those guys were asking for it.

4. It’s funny.

Laila is an entertainer in a number of ways. She writes well, with sarcasm and humor, and points out the ridiculous paradigms that keep women ashamed of their bodies in a way that I can’t help but laugh. Laughter is medicine for the soul.

Thank you Laila Lucent!

xx Sofia Wren

See Laila’s website
Buy the book

Creatrix: Laura Gallagher

 

Lately I have been doing a boatload of self-work. I have been practicing my Chakra Readings, massaging, continuing to learn more from my new intuitive teacher, and honing in on something essential to business and life success: SELF LOVE.

What does power have to do with Self Love? They are definitely two different things but for me they have been connected.

 In the past I have given away my self love and my power in exchange for connection with, love from, and protection by others.

But I finally did some examining on this one (Many thanks to Melissa’s RPT at Empower the Light Within)

I’m not the only one. Coming out into the world with fresh eyes I don’t even need to leave my apartment building to see evidence of other people making this same bargain.

Problem is no one knows what you need better than you do and as a group people will do all of those things badly. 

I can list so many times where I ended up distraught, disappointed, heart broken, ignored, shunted aside, and otherwise feeling like crap because someone I relied on did not give me what I deserve.

At the time I might not even have fully accepted that I deserved more. Without self-love, my self-worth was hanging on a thread and based mostly on what other people thought of me.

Sucky.

There is one little addendum to taking up your power. You have to start disappointing people! I’ve talked about this some, but it’s a spectrum. I’m finally putting myself in the queen seat, and if it doesn’t work for me, I’m not doin it.

What does it matter if I disappoint someone so hard they don’t like me? ‘Well they won’t offer me love and protection..probably. But there are other people. Because now that my self-love isn’t based on the reactions other people have to everything I do I can finally do my own thing, even if no one else likes it.

I don’t mean to say I don’t care about anyone. I do. Oh, I do. I want to please all the people ever forever. Believe me, that’s my autopilot mode, but god is it tiring and impossible to do.

I won’t say I don’t get upset when I get a voicemail that asks me to step beyond what I can do, and worry about the conversation. But I’m over the hill, I am learning the need to pull away.

That desire to please and that mean inner voice are unhelpful. Sure it’s still there. But it doesn’t have the power. I DO. We fight a little, but I trust my intuition not my fear.

In meditation I asked myself what I needed most to get my goals. The answer was loud and clear—Make your goals and self a priority in your life.

I quit another job….It’s my last part time job. It wasn’t easy. By late June I will be self employed officially, all the way and with no desire to ever go back. That is just not what is best for this Sofia. Hear hear.