I can’t believe it took me so long to realize this
It has taken me years to really understand that rushing is not the way forward.
Overcoming instant gratification to tell better stories has been a game changer.
I have written and published 28 articles in 2023 alone, so this may surprise you,
but believe it or not,
this commitment to taking my time to tell my stories is still something I live by!
Today I woke up way too early.
4:00 am. Ish.
Laid in bed trying to go back to sleep.
Got up at 5:54 and started trying to fix my website.
Is that crazy? Sounds psycho when I type it out…
Oh well, it’s the truth.
The Website Bio Refresh Party I hosted last Friday was great but
most people (including me) had tech difficulties and couldn’t edit their site at all!
Gah!
We got a lot of brainstorming, writing, and prep work done,
so it wasn’t a waste of time at all,
but that definitely lit a fire under me to fix my website.
Well, the good news is that this morning,
I figured HOW to fix my main website,
this site you are looking at right now.
(It was an anti-spam plugin causing the trouble.)
But here is the bad news,
before I even got a chance to finish my project,
i.e. edit the bio on my website sofiawren.com
HOUSTON, we have a problem.
I realized that my other, older site that I created in 2012
for my massage therapy business
was broken and wouldn’t even load.
I sighed deeply. I told myself it was okay.
I’m not a massage therapist anymore anyway for reasons.
But I did a quick fix.
A redirect.
Now anyone who visits over there will just get redirected automatically to HERE.
But the completionist in me is still grumbling that it’s not enough.
I still really want that busted site to get fixed for real at some point.
UGH!
So I fixed a problem…and then discovered I had another.
I guess the site that actually matters to me right now works….so it’s a win.
Trying to muster up some enthusiasm about that
but it’s not coming. Maybe I’m too tired.
It just feels WEIRD and unsatisfying.
Anyway I am sharing because I maintain that
being dissatisfied with your website is a part of the human condition.
(Unless you don’t have a website and don’t want one…
If so, then you can put your feet up and relax!)
After 20+ years of having my own sites and
10 years of talking to entrepreneurs and writers, I have found that
the people who are happy with their website/web presence are the exception, not the rule.
Some people don’t have a site but DO want one, so they are dissatisfied with not having one.
Most people with a site could bend your ear with some groans about the state of it.
There’s always another thing you could do with it.
There’s ALWAYS some weird hanging-chad type of feeling.
Do you know what I am talking about?!
And achieving perfection is either
complicated,
a hassle, or
not a priority
which is why it gathers dust.
I get that, and that could be perfectly fine,
but every so often you just want your site to work and make you feel good.
You just want to share it and have it be pretty and shiny.
AND sometimes a totally busted site (like mine) comes
because you never really deal with the problem for a very long time…
And maybe at that point, it’s a message to say,
“Girl, maybe it’s time to scrap that old site you’ve outgrown and just start fresh?”
I dunno about you but that’s what’s running through my mind right now.
If you’re feeling a lack of satisfaction around your website, I hear you!!!!
And if you don’t care about your site or having a site at all, that’s cool.
But if you do care about starting a site or changing your site this summer,
so that the words and images really express you & attract clients
or you want to start or spice up a different writing project right now…
I’m happy to help!
Check out my NEW Summer Special below.
And that’s all my tired brain has for you today
MWAH xo
For help writing:
website bios, service descriptions, blogs, emails, nonfiction books, and more.
Live zoom or phone writing support starting at $69
People will love your writing!
Seeing a vision that others don’t see can be such a challenge.
If you ever feel that way, I hope you enjoy this article on the topic.
Your perspective is needed! But there are some things you need to know to lead others.
Read here in the Writing as Transformational Leadership series.
Great news:
To everyone who supported Her Future Foundation, the nonprofit to end FGM and human rights abuse for girls in Sierra Leone,
the organization is receiving outside grants for the first time since 2021!
And it’s thanks to our donations that they can receive the funds.
HUGE THANKS to everyone who supported both this year and last year as it has made a very real difference.
Here’s an update about that campaign, the nonprofit, and how it is going.
And yes! You can still donate.
Read the update here
https://www.givengain.com/ap/sofia-wren-raising-funds-for-her-future-foundation-59724/
Are you a coach or small business owner looking to connect with your audience and attract more clients or followers?
Introducing the Website Bio Refresh Party – a fun way to update your website bio and make it relevant, current and spicy!
🌶 how to go through my unique step-by-step process to update your website bio so it hooks the people who need you and they shower you with love.
🌶 why the goal of a bio is not about looking perfect but something much simpler yet effective
🌶 what parts of my website bio I think are strong versus weak/embarrassing/outdated at this point (can you relate?) due to evolving I’ve done more recently.
🌶 what things matter the most to change asap and why.
With the Website Bio Refresh Party, you’ll take big steps forward to feel good about your website and bio, and be motivated to share it with the world. This means more clients, more opportunities, and more success for your business.
Don’t miss out on this fun opportunity to refresh your bio and attract your ideal clients, fans and followers.
Join the Website Bio Refresh Party now and take the first step towards a successful online presence.
After signing up, in the next 1-2 business days, you’ll receive zoom information to see the replay.
Hope you are having a good day.
This week has been a mix of ups and downs. Father’s day was tough for me as I grieve my dad super hard. But I also got to enjoy a water park (my very first!) on a beautiful, warm Juneteenth with my cute husband.
This week I heard my friend Jacqui Acree say something POWERFUL about June and this unique time of year.
I wanted to share it with you today.
according to my friend Jacqui Acree:
(I grabbed this from what she said in class 3 of the Feel Good Goals series)
“June is the new January. It’s what I was seeing and also experiencing for myself for a few years. Noticing this pattern of false urgency out there that like, “We’re halfway through the year. How are you doing on your goals?”
“And this message that somehow we’re supposed to be halfway there as though life is linear and life is static and it’s neither!
“When summer comes what tends to happen is even though we feel this false urgency, we either want to take a bit of a break or run at a different pace, which is totally legit, if you want to do it.
“Sometimes parenting responsibilities change or you might live in an area where you get a lot of guests. My husband is a teacher so his vacation time is like forced into the school holiday time,
“so there could be all sorts of reasons why you want to take a break, but regardless, it’s hard for it to happen without feeling guilty.
“Guilty and a little bit of angst and like anxiety that, “Oh, what’s not getting done” and feeding that story of like, “Oh, I’m not going to get there this year. This is not going to be my year after all. This is just a repeat of the same story every year.”
“And then September hits, and now you only have a few months left until the year is over. And a lot of people at that point are like, “Just screw it. I guess I’ll wait till the next year,”
“and then the next year happens in January and that messaging is gonna hit you again like New Year New Me, but it never quite is.”
-Jacqui Acree
Recently I shared a mid year review about my personal goals, and I feel like you can probably tell I have been under a lot of time pressure and overload.
One of the best things that has come out of this year is a commitment to focus on my relationship with my self first and to not make the most important thing an external goal.
If you’d like to watch my video talking about it, here it is!
Yesterday I made a video about my personal goals.
The things I chose for myself, not other people or for work.
I shed a few tears sharing about how things have been because I got very REAL.
I felt self-conscious afterwards but I think letting my guard down more is good for me.
I hope being real is contagious and my sharing makes you feel like you can be more yourself.
I never want to be one of those people telling you what to do against your own inner urges,
if anything I say or write doesn’t resonate with you, please toss it.
I truly want to see more REAL humans in the world, more of you and who you really are.
My big point is: don’t let society or other people dictate your priorities, even me.
Here is a clip of what I shared in my video:
My dad died two years ago, and it really put my entire life upside down. He’s my only parent and I became responsible for his estate. And it just really changed my life a lot.
It changed my priorities a lot and changed what I had tolerance for, and what I had energy for and motivation for completely, because a lot of the things that I had juice for before, I didn’t anymore,
or I was like why? this is actually not that important.
So it was really important for me to feel like I had a clarity of purpose for the year 2023 and what I was going to do, because that really helps me to know that I’m on track.
And I really feel better when I feel like I’m on track.
But the key is to make sure that my goal is one that is really going to be a productive one, by my own standards. And not just what society tells us to prioritize.
To repeat, I had to find the goal I truly wanted to pursue from my own desire, and not just what other people want me to prioritize.
If your goals stress you out or you feel pressured to achieve things that don’t make you happy, I highly recommend a free series called Feel Good Goals.
I have been raving about this instructor because she’s really helped me be more self-loving as I work to listen to myself better this year (my ultimate goal).
All the REPLAYS are available until June 21st
{This post contains affiliate links}
Last week I emailed out a review of my personal writing goals + what helped and I said I would email you about my “work” writing goals this week.
But then something happened…
earlier in the spring I fell while ice skating. I put my arm out to catch myself and you really should not do that actually, sooooooo I hurt myself.
It took a while for me to realize it wasn’t healing, and then it took forever to get a referral and an appointment with a specialist, which I finally did on Tuesday.
It really woke me up to how I need to rest my arm more, which is hard since it’s my dominant hand, and I run a business and am a professional writer…all of which means a lot of using my hand.
It’s just one more reason to forgive myself for any lack of ‘perfection’ in what you see me writing or doing, including what you see me NOT do.
So I’m not really going into how my writing went professionally in as much detail this week as I did with my personal goals last week, or at least it will not be as polished.
Let’s be HONEST, my priority this year is on me as a person anyway so it doesn’t give me as much juice to write about the work side.
But now I’m having fun writing this email and my wrist is ok at the moment so I’ll share a bit, why not.
-wrote 26 articles on Medium, Linkedin, and for On Purpose Women
-taught about how to make writing emails fun at the Vibrant Entrepreneur Conference
-appeared live on camera several times for a Writer Spotlight for On Purpose Women
I wrote 17 articles for Medium in 6 months.
My goal in December was to write one article a week, and I realized after a couple months that it wasn’t making me happy so I slowed down.
Instead of focusing on quantity, I focused on being a little more strategic with my topics, article headlines and what publication I was submitting each piece to.
I also was inspired by Becca Syme who spoke about vertical integration in a youtube video; it is the idea of generating many pieces of content in a similar topic, like a ladder people can follow back and enjoy.
I pay attention to what I LIKE writing about, and what people seem to like reading on Medium and go from there.
Right now I have two lines of content I have been building out on Medium:
Medium pays money as I said in this story
Last month, although I only wrote 2 articles on Medium, I ended up making the most money for the month since December. This is compared to months where I wrote 5,4,3 articles.
It was under $4 total for my highest grossing month in May but it is still cool
Cool that I have been learning to work less and earn more, and my previously written articles are still in rotation and being read.
That shows me how they are strong and cover an enduring topic people will want to read for some time to come.
One story leads to the older ones on a similar subject so people can keep reading if they want to and I get paid for all of that even though the older articles are already done.
I know from writing a book and publishing it, that $4 is comparable to what I would make for a single book sale, possibly more. And instead, all I wrote were a few articles.
So yay!
I went from zero followers on Medium to 377 followers since December also, so that’s cool. More friends.
I do enjoy the chat and conversation in comments on Medium which is one of the reasons I originally decided to write there (as I say in this article).
Want to read me on Medium?
My profile is here: https://medium.com/@sofia.wren
The articles I link above are all via friend link for your viewing pleasure.
Note if you are not a Medium member you won’t be able to read all my stories but you can look throught the previous posts on this blog to find friend links for each article that will let you read for free.
Or just become a member! Use my link to throw me a few cents: https://medium.com/@sofia.wren/membership
I was entirely in the dark about Linkedin being a cool place to be,
but when I was teaching about how to have fun emailing this spring,
I talked to someone who had a good experience having a Newsletter there.
So I decided to give starting a Linkedin Newsletter a try, specifically for articles about writing as leadership and topics related to that.
So far I have 50 subscribers, and everyone subscribed instantly gets my new articles emailed to them.
That’s pretty cool considering I didn’t think it took much effort to grow that subscriber list at all.
I recommend it for other people to try. I recommend Medium, too, they just have differences.
You can check out my biweekly Linkedin newsletter “Writing to Lead and Transform” here.
And of course,
be sure to add me as a connection on Linkedin!
You may know I have complex PTSD from a fraught childhood AND grieving my last parent, my dad, but I have still been fighting.
I have been in the fray fighting for the girls in Sierra Leone to get funding through Her Future Foundation, running my own business, trying to get my health together, and a million other things that are triggering or annoying or hard.
I do that because I have the burning desire to keep crawling forward but also because I use tools to help me get into a better place.
My writing lately has been very influenced by an exercise I have done many times this spring.
It helps me to understand what I am really here to do, what I need to say, what my purpose is, and helps me to keep going even though things are hard.
This first tool is in the free class I created with the exercise that has helped me reconnect to the change I am here to make in the world.
The exercise is one I put into a free class.
I said it expired Tuesday….
but I haven’t gotten around to taking it down
so feel free to watch it until I get around to removing it maybe tomorrow or whenever I have the juice to do so!
Read more about that free class on the blog here.
I mentioned this and how much it has helped me personally in my review last week.
I have been using EFT/Tapping for many years to work through difficult emotions. It’s a tool where you tap acupressure points.
Jacqui Acree has really taken this practice to a new level, and she is offering a class series for free.
Here’s what I got out of her work:
– I’m feeling much more ENOUGH.
– I’m feeling more self-forgiveness about the limits of my abilities.
– I’m feeling more self-trust to do business and life *my way.*
– I’m feeling more realistic about what I can put on my plate so I don’t stress about what I can’t do.
I am getting emotionally difficult things done as well.
Her work has helped me across the levels of personal and professional and I highly recommend.
The event is free and there are 3 classes. They are available through June 21st.
Tap into the leader you are here to be
🌈 How to connect to the change you are here to make in the world
🌈 How to impact the world using your story, your talent & your writing for your book or business.
🌈 How to clarify your writing goals for the summer so they leave room for all of life but also stretch you to step into your true potential.
🌈 How to BE more of the leader you are here to be.
Available until the night of June 13th:
It’s getting to be that time!
The midyear.
I saw someone else do a midyear review,
and it got me inspired to share my writing goals for the year and how things have gone.
There has been a lot of change happening and 3 resources which have really helped me so far this year.
I’ll share it ALL in this review.
Let’s review my original focus for the year:
💚 What I really want is to end this year more self-loving than I began on January 1st, 2023.
What I really want
is to feel connected to my own foundation,
to connect to myself on a daily basis,
to listen to myself —
💚 even the mad, sad, shamed, messy, crazy parts of me,
and be all accepting.
Instead of working on something outside, I want to remember to put the focus on going in.
To sum that up into a word for the year:
FOUNDATION.
(From “The Kindof Year I crave“ on Medium about my New Year Goal)
So now I’ll discuss my writing goals, i.e. subgoals I held loosely under this overall self-love umbrella goal.
So you may notice I mostly write nonfiction these days?
That’s my comfort zone as I’ve been publishing nonfiction for over 20 years online, in magazines, in books, etc.
Nonfiction or business copy is what I help clients with in the Summer Writing Group.
I’ll give my nonfiction a separate review next week.
This is more of a PERSONAL writing goal.
Fiction doesn’t relate to my business so it always feels a little tangential to my core essential writing to do. Easy to skip.
But in honoring my year’s focus on ME,
at the beginning of 2023, I really wanted to work more on a personal fiction project.
Specifically, my fiction series called Blood Witch.
And that’s where I’ve been having the most trouble for several years…
 Covers for books I haven’t finished. |
Blood Witch is a contemporary fantasy/ paranormal romance series I worked on 2020-2021.
Btw I already am mostly finished Book one.
I’ve got quite a lot written for the first 3 books in the series, covers, etc.
Nothing is published or finished yet.
At New Years, I really wanted to figure out how to make progress on this writing project again.
Now getting clear that this was important to me took some time.
🍓 Helpful Resource #1:
I want to thank Elin Loow for her Companions in Creativity space, as well as her seasonal worksheets for creative project planning and reviewing.
These helped me uncover my desire to work on my fiction book while maintaining my primary focus of self love.
I went through her different questions around the New Year, and at times in the spring.
I also used her Summer planning worksheets to prepare for writing this email review.
I got clear on my spring goals and it was time to get to work, so what did I do?
I set a weekly timeblock on my calendar and also set up coworks to support this.
I tried other techniques that work with my nonfiction writing, I talked to a few experts.
The project didn’t feel RIPE.
I feel it viscerally that some projects feel ripe to do now and others do not.
This was unripe. I had no motivation to write.
The thought of pushing myself to try to write any way gave me anxiety, and felt very not wise.
🍓Helpful Resource #2
I had just learned about Jacqui Acree. She teaches EFT/Tapping.
If you don’t know tapping, it’s a tool where you tap acupressure points. I’ve been using it for many years and love it.
It helps me process emotions and move forward.
I decided to do an individual tapping session with Jacqui to help me with emotions around the book series.
That was good: I had too much junk to work through in one session but I did get clear on something:
I should prioritize working through the emotions around my fiction series before trying to write it.
To do this, Jacqui invited me to her Goal Trauma program to keep tapping on it and working through it all.
Since tapping in general works really well for me and Jacqui does it really, really well, I joined her program!
I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve learned from Jacqui Acree’s Goal Trauma class and I want to share how it impacted my writing process,
in a way I really did not expect.
I fully recommend the course, her 1-1 tapping, her other programs, and you can try Jacqui’s upcoming free tapping classes by going here.
Feel Good about your goals so you can relax this summer.
Click here to sign up and get access to Jaqui’s free live classes and replays
Her class helped, and so did a book.
🍓 Helpful Resource #3
A book by Becca Syme, called “The Author Stuck List”.
I was reading it around when I took Goal Trauma and the two complimented each other nicely.
They both assume that if you aren’t doing something, you probably have a very good reason.
What perked my attention was when Becca Syme said,
sometimes people are blocked from writing because there is a life event that needs to be handled.
Moving is one example.
And that made me really look at my life and assess it.
Had I had a big life change? Um yes.
I stopped working on my fiction series when my dad got cancer and then almost immediately died!
That’s a big life change!
I still haven’t gotten back to where I was before my father died in 2021.
Of course, the emotions are a challenge, absolutely,
but specifically, I mean the tasks that were added to my plate.
– the estate responsibilities, deadlines & paperwork alone!
People don’t talk about paper work that can be involved when someone dies.
– 100s of documents I’ve had to page through,
– Dozens of phone calls I’ve made,
– 30 hours of scurrying around to please banks and creditors.
– 100 pages of super picky annoying paperwork to file
– Round after round of deadlines required by state government.
I’ve literally written a book’s worth of papers for the estate at this point, not to mention all the other work.
It has taken up a huge amount of real estate in my mind.
I was kicking and screaming emotionally every step of the way. It sucked.
And what the Author Stuck List, and the Goal Trauma class helped me see is that:
I only have so much bandwidth for stuff.
And since my dad died, I can’t handle as much at one time.
The tasks are more + my brain is still not functioning the same way.
The lessons are:
By doing one thing, you miss out on doing another thing with that time, energy and *bandwidth*.
I never thought about bandwidth, or how I only have the ability to hold a finite number of things in my mind at a time.
I try to do too much, and end up beating myself up when I can’t.
Thank goodness I see now.
The responsibility of being my dad’s executor was a legal necessity.
But the cost was I lost bandwidth needed to write my 5 book fiction series.
It’s taken bandwidth from other essential things, as well,
so now I have a fun pile-up of taxes and other things that need doing.
It adds up to a small mountain eating up my bandwidth.
First things first: clear stuff the mountain out of the way.
WHAT A CHANGE IN THINKING.
For the last two years, I have not made significant movement on this fiction book series and thought:
– I need a new editor, writing coach, etc.
– I just need to figure out my block
– I’m just lazy or uncommitted or scared to fail and that’s on me
And believe me, all of those things may have ALSO been true, but they were not the *real root* of the problem.
Going through Jacqui Acree’s Goal Trauma program, she guided me to lovingly dive in and explore the real root of the problem.
It helped me cut through the noise,
forgive the hell out of myself,
work through all those possibilities, and
figure out how to accomplish my goals in an easier way.
Because if it’s too hard, it’s not happening. Life is better when things feel easy.
Her process worked really well for me and where I was at with the fiction goal.
So that’s how I figured out my big insight since January:
I just don’t have the headspace to hold a whole 5 book series right now!!!
With running the estate + running my business + all the nonfiction writing I want to do for that,
I really DO NOT HAVE THE CAPACITY.
And that’s ok.
Self-love, self-acceptance, listening to myself, ahoy.
Thank god, I’m doing it, for sure.
And big thanks to Jacqui Acree, who I definitely feel like helped me realize opportunities for more self-love through tapping.
Tapping helped me release bad feelings, so I could objectively assess my fiction goal and how I relate to it.
I have limits.
And that’s just fine.
I understand myself and my writing process better.
I have been able to RELEASE the pressure to work on something I physically cannot do right now.
I’ve stopped the negative self-talk and blaming around the lack of progress on my fiction series.
That’s all waste of energy, and tapping helped me let it go.
I’m channeling my energy into more useful things.
so I just watch the replay again.
Each time I watch, I tap on something new.
It helps me take step after step to knock things down.
It’s a super helpful resource!!!
I have been better about not writing fiction, and I’ve doing other things instead.
I’m getting a lot of other things done
and chopping steadily through the mountain
of things standing between me and fiction writing.
I’m going to talk about my business writing goals next week.
My intention for the Goal Trauma program was to focus on my life goals,
although it had some benefits like more confidence that helped my career.
It’s too much to get into right now,
so I’ll do another post reviewing my writing goals related to my business,
like Medium.
Stay tuned for more about writing for Medium next week and other biz goals.
Because this is 100% in line with my self-love focus this year.
To be clear these are things I deliberately did tapping on with Jacqui’s Goal Trauma class to do more easily, not just any old thing I did:
– I finished my wedding announcement.
I made custom cards with links to a special website and sent them out, followed by social media announcement. Since I’m sad about my dad not being around, this was extra emotional and hard to announce, and it took me a long time to do. But the hard work is done and I’ve enjoyed so much love in response. Yay!
– I’m studying Italian regularly for the first time since 2020.
I had been feeling bad and discouraged. I’ve stopped the negative self-talk about it. I found a new way to study languages that feels much more fun with the LingQ app, and using it and learning a lot. I am planning to see my Italian family later this year and have a honeymoon in Italy!
– I’m going to the gym more and pushing myself to get strong and fit.
I’m going to new specialists to help with lingering health problems I’ve had for years. Health journeys are super emotional especially when it goes on for a long time, but so essential to face.
– I am doing volunteer work for Her Future Foundation regularly.
Since my dad died, I felt too overwhelmed to help them much because I could barely take care of my own stuff. But I’ve been really involved this spring. I wrote a grant for their funding, fundraised $255 for an event to end myths about FGM. We didn’t get that grant but I am exploring new grant opportunities. It can be hard to keep going sometimes when their funding doesn’t come through but I know that helping them is part of what I’m on the planet to do.
And finally:
Thank god I don’t have those state government deadlines anymore, and the estate is closed. I’m not done wrapping up everything left behind by my dad. Some things are still pressing. But hey, a step completed is a step completed. You can bet I used Goal Trauma to help complete this crud.
If my goal is to love myself more at the end of the year than the beginning, I am definitely on track.
– I’m feeling much more ENOUGH.
– I’m feeling more self-forgiveness about the limits of my abilities.
– I’m feeling more self-trust to do business and life *my way.*
– I’m feeling more realistic about what I can put on my plate so I don’t stress about what I can’t do.
I am getting emotionally difficult things done as well.
All in all, it’s been a great few months.
I’m grateful that in the last 6 months I’ve come such a long way in so many areas.
I’m grateful I found Jacqui Acree to help support and I’m strategically tapping a lot more, making it easier.
I’m sharing to celebrate and also to offer her, Elin’s worksheets and Becca Syme’s book as resources to you.
3 Resources:
1. Jacqui Acree, Tapping classes and coaching
2. Elin Loow, Four Seasons of Creative Work Worksheets
3. Becca Syme, The Author Stuck List
of you writing or accomplishing other goals,
over goals, things that went wrong, or respond in another way that doesn’t help you:
I really recommend Jacqui Acree’s Goal Trauma program. That program isn’t open yet! It starts later this month, and she also has smaller programs coming up over the summer.
So instead do something free:
Feel Good about your goals so you can relax this summer.
In that case, have fun writing your story, message, book or business content
so you can be of greater service in a greater way.
Join The Summer Writing Group community for guidance and coaching to write.
Doors open again in November 2023 for winter.
A few people told me they are not in the right headspace to write and have other things in the way.
Maybe Jacqui Acree‘s classes or the others could be a great resource for you, like it was for me.
This post contains affiliate links.
P.S. Make sure to sign up for my email newsletter if you’d like the installment next week on how my biz goals and writing for Medium are going!
