My transition to the USA the last few weeks has been rough but Friday evening I had this thought.
Within the day, I got some good news that my boyfriend may be able to visit me from Japan, in three or four months (maybe) due to a change in travel rules.
Our separation is not the only thing that has been stressing me out but seeing him again is my greatest escape from a lot of the things that feel really hard right now.
All the changes in how we can work and play with others in the USA and abroad has been a serious source of stress for me like it does for others. Definitely more stressful here than it was in Japan. Navigating it all by myself when I don’t have a sense of home and I can’t go to my man for hugs anymore has made this part of the pandemic the hardest part for me.
I’ve been able to get my paintings up and cautiously connect with some of my people here and it does help.
I have some hope for the future when honestly a part of me has been afraid to have any. All the stress in the USA can trigger feelings from a time when I was indeed powerless and had to wait ten years for my troubles to go away. And some never did.
Sometimes I just have let myself lay down and feel it all because I’m too overwhelmed to do anything else. I don’t talk a lot about it, because a lot of it is just too intense for me to throw on social media.
I’m still processing and I’m not 100% fine all the time but there are glimmers of something more joyful coming into my experience as I work at nurturing myself as best I can.
I don’t know what’s going on for you but I hope that these words will resonate for somebody and bring hope for you like they did for me.#
