This month has already blazed by, leaving summer behind. So much is changing in my life, I feel I am dropping leaves to shed old habits and an old life.

In two weeks I move in with my boyfriend of almost two years. I have also been hired for a new job focusing on just massage–no office work required, yes!

The transition to less desk and more massage will be insane. I know a great upheaval will be taking place in my life, so please forgive if mid-October I skip a review or two.

I feel good about the way things are trending.

Part of the change, I think, is realizing that disappointing people is inevitable.

I’m a loyal person. I want to please my Dad, my friends, my boss, my coworkers, my clientele, my prospective clientele. Basically, for these twenty-five years of my life, I have been catering to what other people think of me. And when one or two people have a problem, it consumes me.

One time a boyfriend dumped me, followed by a ‘friend’ who dumped me, followed by crap from my boss for trying to take off work to seek counseling. I spent a day in the back room at work crying my heart out.

After that, I no longer have faith that others will take care of me during the fallout that occurs when I give up too much. Even though I gave myself away to make others happy, they weren’t there for me.

 

Katherine Hepburn: known for sneaking a smoke indoors at my aluma mater BMC

 

It is a journey to pull away. Some of it happens on its own. I’ve lost friends I thought would be in my life forever and I am not sure why. I changed, they changed. I would be fine to continue as changed people but I suddenly started disappointing people without really altering my life.

It sure sucked that friends I held in my heart didn’t like me anymore. But some essence in me solidified since leaving college. Friends can turn against me, mentors can edge away, but I don’t want to budge anymore.

I’ve sculpted myself into a person, and no one gets to dig their fingers into my form, no more. Not unless it is right for me and my dreams. Sometimes I feel so shoved around, but mostly it’s because I’ve let it happen.

Let’s be larger than the opinions of everyone else in the world. It’s OK to be wrong, to drop the expectation of perfect. Let’s aim for perfect effort. 

Call me, friends, tell me you are disappointed and we will talk, but tough luck if all you want is to talk at me.

The way I feel now is I am a relaxed person and will give friends the benefit of the doubt—but if I am criticized over and over again for things that are really not a big deal, then deal over. Life is too short to adjust my compass 24/7.

Real friends support your dreams and your health. They support you changing from the image they’ve had of you into something larger. 

Real friends adjust their expectations to accept your human imperfection, and perfect effort. 

Real friends don’t make you feel like you are on the edge of a cliff and you might fall without them.

Many people have a skewed idea what will make them happy. 

Personally I am really pleased when I enter a mind shift. If someone gives me information that changes my world, I am astounded. I like hearing a friend’s perspective when I’m clueless. When someone is mad, let’s put it all on the table and deal with it. 

I really try to keep an open mind to hear whatever truth my friends want to share. Often it is uncomfortable. This discomfort, though, is necessary and good.

Yesterday my friend told me, “America has probably provided the guns for every coup in Africa since WWII.” This means we are responsible for hoards and hoards of death, poverty, political unrest, and the crumbling of nations.

Mind shift. The only thing I can do about it is post it here and ask readers to look into it and decide whether to tell others. Here are two reports from the World Policy Institute from  2005 and 2000. Talk about disappointment, sheesh.

This may seem like an aside, but this is the stuff I really care about. The issue for me has always been how to save the world. And is it possible to do it from my couch? Because transforming into $an independent woman$ is already a lot of work…

Will people reading this be mad I switched subjects? Am I being too political? I dunno, this upsets me but I still like being an American. Blogging about this is the only outlet I have. This is a large topic.

Saving the world is hard. I’m too sensitive to use my Political Science BA. I don’t even like arguing. I worked for an education nonprofit and lost myself. Wiping the smile off my face to discipline kids is just not possible. I adore my current path of massage therapy, but I can only help one person at a time.

So when I get crap because I rarely RSVP to parties unless I’m a definite, or I bail on plans when I am overloaded or tired, I just have to think, “Does anyone really understand what real disappointment is?”

There are plenty of other people to hold someone’s attention if I don’t feel good.  It’s not like I am causing real harm. If I don’t hold a little back, how will I save the world or make my dreams come true? Because not following my heart is the most disappointing thing I can imagine.

Tara Mohr is a fantastic speaker on the subject of “Playing Big” versus playing small. This video speaks on the dangers of praise and how it can hold us back:

I hope this post helps someone to know that it is possible to feel large. Even if it seems no one believes. As long as you do, that’s what matters. If you’ve tried again and again to repair a friendship, maybe it’s better broken.

Have you been disappointed by a friend? Are you still friends now?

Have you held back on your dream or thoughts because of what people will think?

3. An alpha male reigns in the end, but Lisbeth is a strong lady.

 

4. Alphas are a personal choice that every woman must decide for herself.

Hello everyone! This week wraps up the “Unusual Creatures” guest post series this September.

B.R. Kingsolver is the author of The Succubus Gift, and it’s sequel Succubus Unleashed.

I adored B.R.’s first book and I’m eating up the second. The “Succubus” Gift bring up feminist questions about sexuality and relationships.

And here’s B.R. Kingsolver on the inspiration for her Unusual Creatures!

Wren recently asked me to write about how I got the idea for the unusual paranormal characters in my novels, The Succubus Gift and Succubus Unleashed. Like me, I think she’s grown a little tired of vampires and shape shifters in all their permutations.

I’ve long had a problem with the morality in our country and in Western European history. A patriarchal society with women as chattels absolutely repulses me. It’s very evident that women have the same intelligence as men. Women are senators, astronauts, and leaders of countries (though not in the U.S., which is one of the few countries which has never had a female head of state).

But until recently, women were considered property – either of their fathers or of their husbands. An unmarried woman is looked on with pity, as though she was defective. An assertive, ambitious woman is called a lot of things, but few of them are complimentary.

I think that’s a large part of what drew me initially to urban fantasy books. The genre is full of assertive, strong, kick-ass women who stood on their own and didn’t apologize for being who they are.

Another thing I found in urban fantasy was sexual women. Historically, women in literature are either wives, old maids, or harlots. Sometimes they were sorceresses or queens, but again they fit into the same old pigeon holes. For a woman to be blatantly sexual, she had to be working for the devil, or driven by heartbreak and disaster into a “life of dissolution and amorality”. Sheesh … Men in literature can be studs and leave a trail of broken hearts in their wake, and as long as they eventually settle down, it’s fine. A woman gets raped once and her reputation is besmirched forever.

I’ve been a science fiction and fantasy fan since a teacher gave me one of Andre Norton’s books in 7th grade. I’ve always thought the idea of telepathy was the neatest thing I could imagine. So when I started thinking about what kind of character could be strong, kick-ass, and blatantly sexual while still being one of the good guys, I thought about the idea of a telepath who could drain a man’s life energy, but wasn’t aligned with the devil, and didn’t do him permanent harm.

From there the idea started to grow. I envisioned a matriarchal society, worshipping a Goddess, with Telepathic Gifts where the women are as strong as the men — a society of equals. And in an equal society, women and men are free to express their sexual identities.

I started researching paranormal “powers”, and managed to put together a coherent list of talents and myths people have envisioned through the centuries. One of the myths I find particularly humorous is that of the succubus.

In the middle ages, the Church invented a female demon who seduced virtuous monks and priests in an effort to explain wet dreams and other sinful thoughts. At first glance, this seems to be simply an extension of blaming Eve for seducing Adam and therefore loosing sin on the world. (Remember Pandora of Greek legend? It’s always women who loose sin on the world.)

Researching this in more depth, I found that the demonizing of women for the “weaknesses” of men had an even more sinister foundation. Pagan religions in Europe often involved goddess worship and had female priestesses. Sexuality among these religions was often pretty blatant. A resurgence in such religions in Northern Europe in the 13th and 14th centuries led almost directly to the Inquisition in an effort by the Church to stamp out these rival religions.

And so, the idea of a powerful succubus, a member of a telepathic race, as a character for my books was born. Who better to fight against evil than the one thing a patriarchal society fears the most?

The Succubus Gift has been well received and the reviews have been far better than I dared to hope. Most who have read it feel Succubus Unleashed is even better, which is nice to hear.

Also in this series:

Monday September 10

Monday September 17

Coming Up

As the second book I’ve read by E J Stevens (see also Shadowsight), She Smells the Dead did not disappoint. I loved this even though I’m 25 and don’t find myself drawn to young adult fiction as much as in the past.

1. Protagonist Yuki is fabulously unique.

Yuki is a vegetarian girl on the fringe of high school. She looks forward to wearing her corset to Homecoming–with whom she doesn’t know. Yuki occasionally hears the dreaded ‘witch’ in the hallways at times even though she’s not. (Wren’s note: seriously teachers need training on this as it’s harassment and scary)

Nope, like it or not Yuki has a pesky problem of smelling ghosts. Luckily they don’t smell like rot, but it can be very unpleasant. In this book Yuki is haunted by a vinegar ghost for a whole month, eww!

2. The use of smell adds a whole level of depth to the book.

The sensory detail really elevates things. Smell is one of the most underrated senses but it’s funny how reading about it draws the memory. And then wow, emotional tones. Brilliant! 

3. A great gang of characters sets the foundation for the series.

Really the cast is pretty simple: Yuki, her best friend Emma, and her best guy friend Calvin. Emma is a researcher of herbs and vet clinic volunteer. Yuki and Calvin are in one of those weird grey areas where there are friends but he doesn’t want to hear about the guy she’d like to go to Homecoming with…and he disappears without explanation… 

Later on Yuki gets some tips about her ‘gift’ from Simon, a scarred older friend of Calvin’s who is way too flirty!

4. Without mentioning too much about the plot, problems are solved with a mix of magic and old fashioned research.

Books are cool, kids! 

5. Everything is nicely wrapped up but I want to know what’s next.

The book ends with hints of scary things to come at Halloween. “She Smells the Dead” ends with a nice conclusion. I feel satisfied, as there isn’t a dramatic cliffhanger.

Also check out EJ Steven’s Guestpost on her inspiration for Unusual Creatures

 

 

 

 

Hello everyone! This week continues the “Unusual Creatures” guest post series for September.

E.J. Stevens is the author of many magical beasts in Shadow Sight, in the Ivy Granger urban fantasy series. She also pens the Spirit Guide paranormal romance series, including She Smells the Dead. This series follows Yuki, a young woman haunted by strange odors that will only go away if she sets the dead to rest.

I have been looking forward to this one for quite a while! Here’s E.J:

Miss Doloro has kindly asked me to reveal a secret from the deepest, darkest depths of my mind.  But, dear reader, are you prepared for the horrors we may unearth?  Yes?  Good.  Let’s carry on.

Where do the unusual creatures found within the pages of my books come from?  It is a very interesting question, one that I will try to answer without sounding too unhinged.  But living day to day within fantasy worlds does come with its dangers.  How do I know what is real and what is truly unusual?

My fascination with the supernatural began as a child.  I was a ravenous reader and, thankfully, my family recognized a need for more challenging books.  I lived within the pages of fairy tales, ghost stories, and tales of the macabre.  I danced in fairy circles, listened for rattling chains, and deduced who may or may not have been buried in the back garden.

I would see unusual creatures everywhere.  Sleepy fairy faces would peer from the bark of oak trees, mermaids and selkies bob upon the ocean waves, and specters lurk menacingly in the shadows. 

So I started writing grand adventures for the creatures I imagined.  At first these were fantastical tales of whimsy, but later I became more serious about my writing.  It seemed very important to understand what motivated these unusual creatures and for that I needed to delve into the past.

Thus began my research into the folklore, myth, and legend of supernatural creatures.  At first, I focused on the Celtic folklore that reminded me of the bedtime stories my Welsh mother told me as a child.  But there were so many intriguing connections between these stories and tales that I had read from other countries, that I eventually cast my net to encompass tales from throughout the world.

My poetry collection, Shadows of Myth and Legend, tells the personal tale of many of these creatures.  Later, after delving deeply into the psyche of despairing a loup garou, exhausted phoenix, lonely gargoyle, watchful kraken, hungry wendigo, and vengeful selkie, I created two very different fantasy worlds.

The Spirit Guide young adult series is a blend of mystery, humor, and paranormal romance.  Yuki must deal with ghosts, werewolves, high school bullies, and a dung beetle spirit guide—unusual indeed.  She Smells the Dead, Spirit Storm, and Legend of Witchtrot Road available now.  Brush with Death, the fourth book in the Spirit Guide series, will release October 2012.

But unusual creatures finally come out to play in droves in the Ivy Granger urban fantasy series.  The city of Harborsmouth is populated with a wide variety of fae and undead.  Trolls, kelpies, shellycoats, brownies, trolls, vampires, demons, and pixies live alongside unsuspecting humans.  Shadow Sight, the first book in the Ivy Granger series, is available now.  Blood and Mistletoe, an Ivy Granger Novella, releases holidays 2012 and Ghost Sight, the second Ivy Granger novel, is scheduled to release in 2013.

My love of unusual creatures continues to grow.  There is a plethora of new monsters to discover and so I continue my research and my writing.  I am now, and shall always be, a student of the supernatural.

E.J. Stevens writes poetry, urban fantasy, and young adult paranormal novels. She enjoys dancing along seaside cliffs, singing in graveyards, and sleeping in faerie circles.  E.J. is author of the Spirit Guide and Ivy Granger series.

Previously in this series:

Monday September 10 

Coming up:

Thursday September 20

Review of E.J. Stevens book She Smells the Dead

Monday September 24 

I think this little Wren needs a break. So in honor of the new moon, I’m going to talk about the absence of things, things that have disappeared, or things I want to do so. Specifically this month I’m going to talk about moles. That’s right– mole removal. 

 

Many moles I would’ve cried to lose. These got approved!

 

I’ll admit it, I hate the doctors. I am a chakra loving, crystal carrying, herb studying, gluten-free eating massage therapist with a BA in Political Science from a women’s college. The accoutrements of Western medicine feel cold, uncaring, and joyless.

I’ve never been comfy with people seeing me naked. My family frequents nude beaches– in the US and Europe. I, however, don’t want people to see me, to scam on me, to judge me. At the same time, nudity is less humiliating at putting on a stupid paper dress. 

Instead of a nude beach pic (you’re welcome)– preventative sunscreen!

 

Reasons why a paper dress is more humiliating than nudity:

I think everyone deserves treatment. I think everyone deserves dignity. Rather than being required to upload a heartless protical to appear a legitimate medical practice– the white, the absence of color, art, creativity or personality–why can’t medical offices be a nice place to be? 

“Everyone hates going to the doctors.” Then why can’t anyone do anything about it?

-Know How Many Kindle Books You Sold By Looking at Your Sales Rank

Blogging, Facebook & Twitter Are A Complete Waste Of Time

I have to say the title of this book enticed me. While How To Make a Killing on Kindle provided excellent information in several areas, I’m taking some advice with a grain of salt. Here are my impressions:

1. Great nitty gritty information I have not seen elsewhere.

Alvear describes a number of different techniques to improve the placement of ebooks.

Some of these, such as optimizing seo terms in the book description and title, may be useful for sellers across all platform.

While others are specifically geared for Amazon: interpreting sale numbers from rank position, choosing the right categories, and adding formatting to descriptions. And that last one, is a whole lot more complicated than I could’ve imagined.

2. Some techniques are morally ambiguous.

In one chapter Alvear recommends writing book reviews of your competitors with comments like “As the writer of blah blah blah” in the first three lines.

Personally when I see this I find it to be obnoxious.

He also highly recommends everyone acquire five to six reviews. Alvear leaves it up to the readers to as to whether to recruit a friend or to write the reviews themselves.

As a book reviewer I find this to be rather tacky.

While I understand it’s a business and there are surely overlooked books out there, if a book doesn’t naturally provoke good reviews then it needs to go back to the drawing board. There are so many reviewers like myself happy to provide a service.

Writing a review yourself says that the book/cover/description/hook needs work, and that the author needs to build relationships with potential readers. Writing your own reviews is an act of desperation, not a task to complete in hour number ten.

3. I’m unconvinced about ditching the blog.

Alvear says since only 10% of people have an e-reader, any advertisement aimed at the general public will flop.

The thing is e-readers are just starting, but the number of users will continue to grow. Hello, Christmas presents.

Also this advice is specifically aimed at people who will only sell their books online. Personally I plan to offer both digital and print copies. I like the way books weigh in my hands and smell, and ohhh it’s a romance, me and books. In that case the paperbacks will be more expensive to buy, but yes, all blog readers could still enjoy it.

Even if you are e-publishing only, there is a lot to be said for coming off as a real person. Blogs allow people to check you out, decide if they want to listen to your advice, and connect. I love my blog for the friendship element in this cold internet sea.

But yeah I’d probably have another book written if I didn’t blog. Oh well.

4. Moral and philosophy issues aside, most of the content is useful.

First up for the “Unusual Creatures” guest post series this month is Rosemary Fryth!   She is the author of Dark Confluence, as well as it’s sequel Dark Destination (soon to be published). Dark Fairies are her specialty.

I have always read fairy stories.

As a young child I grew up with the tales of the Brothers Grimm, of Hans Christian Anderson, and the Australian author May Gibbs, who wrote original Australian children’s fairy stories about the Gumnut Babies, and the big, bad, Banksia Man. As a teenager I read onto Tolkien, Susan Cooper, C.S. Lewis, and Alan Garner.

I was especially influenced by Cooper and Garner, and their stories of creatures and beings from legend and myth interacting with children of a modern Britain.

As an adult I read more of the same: Charles de Lint, Robert Holdstock and Raymond E. Feist were in my opinion, standout authors, who deftly combined myth with the mortal, often mundane world.

The one constant in all the books I read (except for Gibbs), was that they were all set in far-away places like Great Britain, the USA, and Canada.

Very few children’s fairy stories (and almost no adult ones) were set here in Australia, and I keenly felt the need to right that wrong, and to bring creatures of Celtic and European myth, DownUnder.

Although I loved all these books, I yearned to write my own stories, and earlier this year I did, starting a new trilogy called ‘The Darkening’. The first book, ‘Dark Confluence’ is all about the faeries (The Fae) besieging the small Australian town of Emerald Hills.

 I set my stories locally here in Queensland, in a cool and green location on the beautiful Sunshine Coast Hinterland, a region that I knew well from camping and day trips, and attending folk festivals.

My stories weren’t just about fairies, my stories also had a thread of darkness, a hint of horror – because I believed that fairies weren’t always the cute and winged variety perched on flower or under mushrooms.

My fairies were cold, conniving, political, and calculating. They used humans and humanity as pawns to further their own ends and agendas. If someone or something crossed them, they were cruelly vengeful. On the other hand, they handsomely rewarded self-sacrifice, and oft loved the mortals they manipulated.

My first book, which has an unusual heroine, is also an adult fable about Australian society, and politics in this country. It was written as my own ‘Pilgrim’s Progress’ with a hidden second story.

I have left little hints and clues throughout ‘Dark Confluence’, a story that can be read simply as a contemporary dark fantasy, or delved deeper for an underlying commentary on modern day Australia.

My choice of a late-middle aged spinster as my heroine for the first book of ‘The Darkening’ trilogy was deliberate too. So many stories feature teenage heroines, and although I enjoyed reading those stories, as an adult and mature woman I could not identify nor relate to a heroine thirty years my junior.

So I thought I’d break the mould, create a heroine who was small, neat, in her early fifties, unmarried and a spinster – a heroine who was overlooked by life, men and society.

Readers have commented to me on how much they loved Jen McDonald, they see her as ‘brave’, ‘compassionate’, ‘selfless’, ‘vulnerable’ and how they ‘felt immediately drawn to her’. I wanted Jen to be a real woman, the sort of woman we could all relate to if our own lives had gone on a slightly different, and lonelier path.

The second book ‘Dark Destination’ will soon be published, and deals with the ongoing story of the town of Emerald Hills, of Jen, and my new heroine, Fiona Delany – a moral, yet interesting and unusual young woman of twenty-two.

Into the story of ‘Dark Destination’ I have woven romance, as well as horror and darkness, although in this book the darkness comes courtesy of a rather nasty international cult called the ‘Artificers’ – a cult that I touched on briefly in the first book ‘Dark Confluence’. Paranormal elements are present in ‘Dark Destination’ although the main story is about Fiona and her dealings with the cult.

‘Dark Confluence’ is available for Kindle through Amazon, and is also available for Barnes and Noble Nook. ‘Dark Confluence’ will be soon available on other eBook platforms via Smashwords.

Monday September 17 

Monday September 24