Really grateful for all the support I have been receiving on my book Freedom Year: how trying to be a Dominatrix (and failing) changed my life.

It’s definitely been a difficult thing to publish. I did an interview with Andrew Hylen last week on “Shh…Sharing Secrets with Friends AKA writing on the taboo.” I share the struggle and talk about how I got through it by doing EFT around self forgiveness.

I’ve been revisiting that lesson of self forgiveness a lot in the past weeks as I put my book out.

Basically I started my book when I wasn’t ready as I recommend for everyone to do. I published when the book was ready but I was still growing into it as well and I’m glad.

Each opportunity to express myself is making me question all the lies I have lived under about who I can be and what I can do. I’m so grateful to pull the onion layers and also touched to be able to share that journey with all of you.

Thanks for being on it with me. Xo

My book is such a meaty size. I just got a box in and could hold it.

It still gives me a mini heart attack when I post about my book. Lol yes I really did it. I can die happy now.

This stack of books has already gotten snapped up and claimed. Totally took me by surprise.

I am ordering more for others who want a signed copy. The post does take a little while, these took me 19 days to get.

If you would like a signed copy please go here.

Or grab a kindle or print book off Amazon– here’s the link.

Do you ever worry about doing it right? You have something to write or create but you lack clarity. You can’t move forward until something changes. 

Sometimes you need to bow down to creativity and its process. I know I’m going to go forward the way something bigger wills for me to move forward. 

Seasoned creatives and wannabes alike are servants with our pens, computer keyboards and paintbrushes at the ready, waiting for inspiration to dawn on us with our pecking orders.

I’m all for the things: positive affirmations, exercise, clean eating, coaches, habits, self-care, education, productivity hacks, sitting my butt down and just trying, etc. and so forth. 

But the fact of the matter is that CREATIVITY IS PART GRACE.

The most brilliant of the brilliant inspirations is something beyond the mere ingredients of production.

Join me. Invite the grace in. 

Here’s this month’s Tarot interpretation, from my upcoming book on the Tarot. This message covers where we are at this month from the New Moon as we move into September’s Full Moon. The effects may last a few weeks longer as well.

My readings tend to build on each other so you may also want to refer to the message from the last few months. June: 2 of Wands. July: The Magician.

First, take a moment to pause and breathe. Are you open to insight?

 Set your intention to feel how you want to feel in your life overall (you can be specific) and then decide (if you like) to be open to any positive shifts that may occur as you read the writing below.

The card for this month ahead is the Page of Wands. 

Keywords for Page of Wands: 

Inspiration, Channeling, New Ideas, Messengers, Writing, Singing, Acting, Organic Creation, New Starts, Beginnings 

This card represents an aspect of yourself or another person with youthful enthusiasm and creative energy. You may be newly inspired or re-energized for the purposes of creating and communicating. You may start a new project, receive new ideas, or be led to give someone else an important message. This is a time of new sparks, where you are adding fresh perspective or a new element to the creative stew pot. 

It is a time of new beginnings and endeavors–there is something arriving that feels fresh and new. You may not have all the puzzle pieces yet.

The biggest hurdles with this card can be overwhelm and frustration that things aren’t developing quickly enough. Patience can be a difficult hurdle right now, when as we know, a lot of things in the world are outside of our control. Use meditation, visualization, journaling about your ideas, and collaborative talks with others to make the most of your ideas. Some parts of the process will take time to unfold. 

Dive deep right now into the beginning stages of something–and don’t force the process or get caught up in negative feelings about not being able to reach the end quickly enough. Right now it is important that you pay attention to the new insights and engaging this new energy fully. Exploring its riches and have fun with it!

If something is nibbling at you so much that you cannot concentrate then do something about it–your distraction might be a message that leads you in a satisfying and fulfilling direction.

However, don’t assume every idea has to be put into action immediately–otherwise, you could quickly become scattered and distracted. Keep a notebook handy and write it all down. Trust your intuition about what needs to happen next. Don’t force it. Remember that sometimes having an idea is enough, and if it is really important, trust that it will come back to you if it is meant to happen. There’s a perfect time for all things.

To me overall there is a feeling of “Rising from the Ashes.” I hope you have a good month!

Get insight on what to focus on next every month to make faster progress writing and creating with a free Tarot card reading delivered to your inbox.

Sign up for free monthly readings here.

It’s the new “I voted” sticker! Feel free to borrow it so the world knows you googled!

You know it’s funny, in July I announced I wanted to post things about politics and how to make change. Then I announced I was totally uninspired and will not be writing any such posts. Then I started naturally wanting to write such posts–I’m such a rebel lol. 

Amazing what giving yourself permission NOT to do or write can do. 

Any who I looked up how to vote by mail in my state today. Many changes are happening across the country, and people are saying the key is to be able to vote for 100% sure is to start googling! Start early!

Google and start to research the details of how to vote in your state right now so you can make sure your vote is counted nice and early. 

My state of Maryland will mail us our ballots soon and we can mail them back in to vote as soon as we get them. Definitely want it in by early October… and I’ll check online that my vote was counted, just in case.

I’m touched that people keep up with my posts here and have a sense of my life even when we aren’t in individual touch. Writing really is amazing that way and I am so grateful that I have discovered it. ❤️

The other part of it is that I am in the practice of admitting things: admitting I struggle with the difficulty of being away from my boyfriend in Japan for God knows how long. There are good periods and bad periods, mostly dependent on factors outside of both of our control. That I can be more transparent than I used to is the reason someone can talk to me and be like, “and I know you miss Andrew” without me having to say anything.

I do. And to keep my relationship strong, I do the best I can in my relationship to be honest while still loving, to say when I’m reaching a threshold of tolerance of conversation topics that don’t light me up, or talking too little or not connecting really even if we are on a webcam together, of just feeling stuff. I’ve never been with someone who is able to hear me like he can even when I am not feeling good and even when I don’t have a solution. Some things don’t have an immediate solution but that in itself doesn’t have to be another source of angst.

We are figuring it out. I am figuring it out. Mostly we just have to wait.

I hear many people embrace the same philosophy I have right now: take it one day at a time.

Excited to have finished the first draft of my new urban fantasy book “Dark Legacies”! I just grabbed this tracker from Scrivener, my writing program.

Been doing some heavy lifting. Moved from Japan to the US a month ago. I got my memoir out last week, “Freedom Year: How Trying to be a Dominatrix (and Failing) Changed my Life.” Then I dove into accounting and business development this week and today I finished the book I began in quarantine!

I have teachers who tell me that an important part of healing trauma is to flood your body with pleasure and the things that feel good–but for a long time this was a hard thing for me to really feel all the way down. The thing that brings me back to it is the sunset.

When I was growing up, I was lucky to have a grandmother who would take stacks and stacks of photos. Often in every stack, there were several photos of sunsets, where she tried to capture the beauty in a shot but it never fully did it justice even with the beauty that *was* caught on camera. What can capture the beauty of a sunset? You just have to be there to experience it.

I decided to paint a sunset for my cover for Freedom year because it signifies a feeling for me that is very near and dear to my heart. It’s the feeling of being fully connected to myself and the world, of feeling a deep and enduring self love for every part of me including parts that are broken or sad or angry. It comes from moments in my life that were pivotal, including at the end of Freedom Year where I discover what I have been looking for all along.

I truly feel that there is something spiritually blissful about witnessing a sunset and other kinds of beauty in nature. It reminds me that I am part of everything.

I wonder what your vision of life is, when you truly feel alive, when things are working out even if it’s complicated. No matter what has happened in your life, when you remember it, you can feel that feeling again.

Do you have a moment in your life like this, or a vision that encaptures this for you? What is freedom for you? What is power for you? People can feel it in their bodies differently. After all the chasing I’ve done in my life, this is the most important thing of all.

If you want a free sample of my book “Freedom Year: how Trying to be a Dominatrix (and Failing) Changed my Life” go here.

Every day I ask myself what it is time to create. The answer varies: from the soup I make, to the books I am writing, to a new program for other people who want to write a book… I am always cooking something.

I am trying to let go more and just go with it. It feels good to just let go. Just trust myself, like I did by putting my book out even if it’s a bit taboo 😀

What about you? Do you have a lot of ideas? Do they ever get bottled up?