It’s finally sunny after a month of rain, which is a nice change.
Today I have some words to share about
-a show that brought me to tears,
-a class I teach today &
-an interview on ungoaling.
Oh my goodness, upon writing this I have just finished watching the show Geek Girl on Netflix.
I recommend it,
the story of a neurodivergent girl going through bullying who takes an unexpected job as a model in order to change feeling disliked.
It brought me to the edge of tears a few times and made me feel really emotional. I relate to the main character’s struggles in little ways, and it rang a chord for me.
The main character is not labeled with a diagnosis, but she feels like she is different, like she can’t keep up with her peers or doesn’t belong.
At times, the movie had me internally shouting and rooting for the main character:
“When bullies bring you down, you get back up!”
I was hoping for a fire to light inside of her to keep her going, even when people were just mean.
It relates to some thing I work on daily, getting fired up.
Last week I had the pleasure of recording this interview with Ginny Robertson, from On Purpose Woman magazine.
(This took a few re-schedulings; our original date was the 10th…but it was worth the wait!)
The topic was UNGOALING
As you may know, the past few years I have been reevaluating everything.
Before my father died, my work was my main focus.
Now my priorities have changed.
Although I still have passions, desires, and responsibilities I spend time on, I no longer see work as more important than my personal life or my health.
I’ve UNGOALED in a sense, or become more loosely attached to my goals.
John Locke (1632–1704) is among the most influential political philosophers of the modern period.
“In the Two Treatises of Government, he defended the claim that men are by nature free and equal against claims that God had made all people naturally subject to a monarch.
“He argued that people have rights, such as the right to life, liberty, and property, that have a foundation independent of the laws of any particular society.
“Locke used the claim that men are naturally free and equal as part of the justification for understanding legitimate political government as the result of asocial contract where people in the state of nature conditionally transfer some of their rights to the government in order to better ensure the stable, comfortable enjoyment of their lives, liberty, and property.
“Since governments exist by the consent of the people in order to protect the rights of the people and promote the public good, governments that fail to do so can be resisted and replaced with new governments.
“Locke is thus also important for his defense of the right of revolution. Locke also defends the principle of majority rule and the separation of legislative and executive powers.”
I really enjoyed the feedback I got about it being relatable and easy to understand. It put a little pep in my step, thank you. Thank you to everyone who reached out.
In that final session we wrote and (literally) danced with our visions for the future 6 months from now and stayed open to the unknown.
It’s easy to overestimate our knowledge about the future. I’m trying to stay open minded.
Surprises live inside the things I don’t know.
When I stay open, wisdom can dawn on me.
Knowing everything that’s going to happen is actually a curse. It’s best to stay open.
KNOW THAT I DON’T KNOW IT ALL.
That’s how I learn new things. Through our group exercises, I embraced this.
That’s when I realized an assumption of mine:
I assumed once I finally do XYZ things, that weight that has been on my shoulders since 2021 would finally lift up.
BUT THIS IS A LIE
I realized that the weight is never going to wrap up. Not now.
Not now that I’m trying to salvage the family business…
This is a permanent responsibility I’ve gained.
Unless I give up (HA! Which I am not going to do)
The weight isnever going away.
The weight won’t change when I do XYZ.
There will always be more to do.
The weight is not going to disappear.
But I can change how heavy it feels to me.
HOW? By changing my relationship to the weight:
I don’t have to wait until I am done the whole mountain of things I need to do in order to feel a sense of freedom and release.
That’s where I need to shift my focus…
This one aha moment really put things into perspective for me…
I realized I need to put more energy into shifting this dynamic itself, and not just stressing about the tasks that need to be done.
I needed to start shifting something on the inside.
Specifically: to energize this new way I want to feel so I can tackle everything that I need to do, and feel better as well.
I NEED MORE FIRE.
Motivation is one thing-but feeling fired up is another.
To me it is a very specific feeling that drives me into action from a place of flow.
It’s very uplifting to my spirit, as well.
And from there I decided that I was going to do something new.
GET FIRED UP.
I opened up a document and start collecting pieces of my writing that express my fire. Words. Video. Audio.
I’m inspiring, I realized. People have told me that alot.
I should inspire myself more intentionally.
The document came together pretty quickly since I’m pretty on top of organizing my notes.
But this wasn’t going to be one and done. This is going to be a practice.
I decided was going to get fired up every day.
I was going to sit down and find the things that inspire my fire.
I will refer back to the materials I have collected every day.
Instead of stumbling on my inspirational words accidentally, I’ll make it a science.
My writings and words have inspired me to get out of a hole time and time again,
but over the upcoming weeks, I’ll explore them as well as the words of others in books, podcasts, videos, and so on.
EXPECT TO SEE MORE ON THIS TOPIC COMING UP!!
I have so much to share about my firey motivation discoveries, I’ll need to continue this in at least one more post…
But the final thing I’ll share today is that since putting my GET FIRED practice into place,
I’ve realized that
Being fired up matters because things in my life right now require bravery and vulnerability.
I can fail. It’s meaningful. It’s emotional. It’s unfamiliar.
That’s why it is hard. That’s why it is draining.
That’s why it’s like a mountain that makes my stomach drop.
And I am grieving, I am grappling with my mental health, I am tired or anxious or low sometimes.
Sometimes I feel really lonely in my experiences
I was raised by a single dad and used to belong to him. Now I’m in my 30s with no parents, a super small number of people I know locally, and I’m floating around a long way from home…
I need to be fired up to feel strong enough to do that heavy lifting that my life requires.
Motivation is not something I pray will bless me.
It is something that I move towards and seek out for myself, it’s a food that I imbibe daily.
There’s no rationalizing inspiration into an existence when it’s not there.
In that way it is pure.
If I don’t feel inspired or motivated,
if I wake up and it’s not there, I will find it,
in writing, in a book, in a podcast and so on.
And now that I am putting in the work,
I am seeing it appear more bit by bit.
This summer,
I’m diving deep into my words.
I’m flipping through old writings and notes every day.
I’m adding to it, highlighting, moving things around, and creating new stuff inspired by the old.
I’m listening to myself.
I’m remembering the things I SAID I wanted to make a priority.
I’m taking those wild, old ideas and turning them into reality.
Starting from the inside out.
It’s the ultimate self care practice. And I’m getting FIRED UP.
Do you want to find your ideas? Your notes?
You can join me, too, if you like!
Your journals, documents and ideas could be full of gold,
but how will you use it if you never look? Or use them?
Let’s dig in,
play with your ideas and
get organized so you can turn your ideas into gold.
We are 15 people strong! I can wait for us to get started this Thursday.
(It’s not too late to join our 3 Month Summer cohort! You will get all the replays of any class you missed and access to ask me any questions you have.)
the one I mentioned in my story above that really inspired me… The replay will be a bonus for members of the Digital Organization Club!
In this one hour class recording, get in touch with where you are going: your sense of direction and vision for the future. And receive important aha moments that will make achieving your writing or business goals that much easier! It’ll be included in your class hub delivered after you sign up.
New Video: Losing Your Ideas? Stop Asking This Question
I’ve been an entrepreneur for 10 years and I’ve published my writing online for about 25.
There has always been more I want to do.
But for a long, long time my progress was blocked by my inability to find all of my ideas.
I could not keep track of my big ideas. I had too many, and they felt scattered. I felt totally frustrated by the way they slipped through the cracks. Do you ever have that feeling?
To combat this, I’d write them down obsessively, and piles of notebooks began lining every surface.
I tried post its, index cards, spreadsheets, task managers but it was all missing something. It didn’t fix the problem I never seemed to “get there” to a place where I was living up to my true potential.
A common occurrence was picking up an old notebook from 3 years before, reading old ideas I’d written and forgotten and now was just remembering all over again…and thinking,
I HAD SUCH A GOOD IDEA, why did I do nothing with it?
The good news is that eventually I figured it out.
I had no idea how much organizing my ideas was going to change everything, which is why I’ve become so passionate about spreading the word.
I share the wrong question that I was asking myself about losing my ideas.
And then I share the question I began asking myself that helped me go from scattered to organized. It has made a huge difference in turning my life around.
New Interview: How Digital Organization Relates to Putting Yourself First
Andrea Hylen is one of my favorite podcast hosts! We had a lot of fun diving into this:
Something that really surprised me about organizing my notes and ideas is what I ended up getting out of it on a personal level.
That’s how I learned that organizing your notes is really putting your mask on first.
We don’t have a wide discussion going on about this yet in the self care community, in coaching, in the spiritual community, or even in the small business community but we really need to.
We need to linger on how digital organization for your notes and ideas is essential self care.
Why? Because it’s a conversation with the most important person in your life:
Yourself.
I talk about this essential conversation and what that means for your life and your writing with Andrea Hylen.
This post is about the fact that the more information you save, the harder it is to find anything. Here’s my journey with this and how I’ve overcome it.
Pursuing goals doesn’t always bring me comfort anymore.
So why do anything?
Including send emails or write posts for you?
Well let’s talk about what my motivation is not:
It’s not making people like me.
It’s not making a million.
It’s not being famous and successful.
It’s not making my (now deceased) dad proud. [cry]
It can’t be those because
all of those have backfired,
all of them have negative consequences, and
all of them are semi-fruitless because
all of them are outside of my control…
So what the hell is a good source of motivation?
Being my own best friend?
I’ve been gung ho about it for over a year.
It’s a good mission.
BUT this isn’t motivating me right now,
because I feel really crap / blah at the moment, and
my inner best friend energy is NOT flowing, I’ll be real.
Like I’m ok, I’m fine, but I’m not okay like a lot okay.
I’m not thriving.
Not in this exact moment.
Sometimes that juicy feeling just isn’t there.
I’ll be my friend enough to say: it’s not my fault, it just is how it is.
Ok so what about “If it helps one person, it’s worth it”?
This is a pretty good mission for anyone with a desire to help others, to get your business out, write that thing, etc.
But although it’s more achievable than saving the world, helping one person is not something I can control.
And that’s really frustrating to me.
I have to fight against all the other stuff pulling on people’s attention and algorithms are really frustrating.
I can’t control if anyone sees anything I write or create.
Thus how can I make sure I help them?
So no, I’m not motivated by, “If it helps one person…”
As much as I love giving people something valuable in these posts, and not wasting your time,
right now writing to help someone feels like a really suffocating rationale.
Thinkin that way, I find myself racking my mind for something good enough to say,
to justify the 2 cents worth of attention this post may get…
Despite years of churning things out, and about 20 million ideas.
I just don’t have the bandwidth to piece them together into a work of art right now.
So I’ll be honest what is ringing true:
It’s worth it to send this email if writing it helps ME.
Yes ME.
I can be that one person that it helps.
I have often found the writing process to be soothing and comforting and lovely.
If it helps me then I can better control than whatever other people do.
Plus if it helps me it is likely it will also help another person. Just like the lovely Cheryl on Linkedin said about my ungoaling article…
THIS IS RETURNING TO MY ROOTS.
Writing at its roots for me is about healing.
It’s about love,
it’s about beauty and
calm and peace and
getting out of a spiral of victimhood after being dealt bad cards.
I have been dealt some shitty cards in my life, some cards other people didn’t have to hold
but I’ve also gotten some good ones, flipped some around and swapped them and gotten a better set.
I write A LOT of things that no one else sees about those specific cards because
–to be honest
–some things I can’t talk to most other people about without feeling woefully misunderstood.
But you know what?
You don’t have to hold the same cards as me to get what I am saying there
over my life, I have come to see that being misunderstood is itself a very common human experience.
Writing has been an outlet for me to hold myself on the page where I am.
And sometimes I like to share my words with other people just to declare:
ITS OK FOR ME TO BE HERE.
Sometimes I feel depressed or anxious or blah.
If you’re looking for someone to be “done healing” go elsewhere.
I will never be done healing, I’ve been through too much and my feelings are covered by an onion skin in a rough world. But I think there is value in honesty,
in not waiting for you to be emotionally feeling perfect before you can have a voice or feel a sense of progress or say
“It’s not enough but it is enough, actually, because I am ok with it.
And I’m choosing not to see everything as totally sucking forever even if it sort of does suck a lot…forever.
I can make my own meaning on top of that suck.”
That’s what writing helps me to do.
That’s coming back to my roots.
Coming back to my roots is such a good thing to do when I am lost or out of sorts.
Something else I do to stay close to what matters:
I keep notes on my Values and Priorities over time.
When they pop up in my journal entries or writing,
I mark the digital entry with a link to a page on those topics.
Then every so often I sit and go through all the entries I linked, compiling the lessons.
I think I’ll do that next…
That sounds nourishing to review what really matters to me 🙂
If you would like to go spelunking in your thoughts,
it’ll be something I talk about in the upcoming Digital Organization Membership.
Plus: I talk about this sort of process in the posts below on:
We break down the step-by-step process to update your bio so it’s relevant, current, and spicy.
I decided to do this because I acquired a second business and the bio page of that site needs a refresh.
Every bio or website needs a refresh every year or so…
want to join me?
With a refresh, you’ll feel good about your website or bio and stop feeling blah,
Afterwards you’ll feel excited to share your bio and website so you can receive fans, followers or clients and feel the love. <3
Key points of the 60-90 minute class:
🌶 my unique step-by-step process to update your website bio so it hooks the people who need you and they shower you with love. 🌶 why the goal of a bio is not about looking perfect but something much simpler yet effective. 🌶 a behind the scenes: what parts of my website bio I think are strong versus weak/embarrassing/outdated. (Can you relate?)
🌶 what things matter the most to change asap and why so you can prioritize your changes.
What you’ll get when you sign up:
Replay from 2024
Update your bio step by step with us! Includes Video and Audio replays plus written transcript.
Replay from 2023 Use the recording of our Bio Refresh party in 2023 to start working right away if you want.
It’s delivered immediately on sign up.
Coaches, writers, or small business owners who want a personal connection to their audience or potential clients probably need this!
(Use your bio to create authentic connections so people will buy your book, class or service.)
If your website feels funky and you’re not motivated to update it, this class is for you!
Not only will you learn my system but
WE WILL WORK ON OUR BIOS TOGETHER!
By the end of the class, even if you are not totally done updating the whole page,
you’ll have at least made progress and gotten inspired.
Ready to refresh your website and feel confident about sharing it to attract more fans, followers, or clients?
Register for the Website Bio Refresh Party now
for only $27!
The bio is the most important page on your website because it’s where people click most often!
I was combing through things in storage and was under a deadline.
Do you have a mountain of things in storage?
What about in your mind?
What about on your todo list?
Notebooks and documents spilling everywhere?
When you face a mountain of things you need to deal with, what do you do?
I tend to get overwhelmed easily and go into fight or flight.
It’s times like those where I need to breathe, maybe take a break or a walk.
It’s good to get grounded but it’s only the first step.
The next step is to COME BACK.
Always come back later to chip away some more…
Well except for if you decide to quit–
And that can be okay, too.
Maybe instead of sorting the documents you decide they are ten years old and useless and you should shred or recycle them.
Maybe instead of finishing that cross-stitch project, you decide to throw it in the trash.
Quitting and Giving up are things that have a bad rap.
But they can be incredibly useful tools in the right circumstances!
When I’m overwhelmed, I find it helpful to ask myself
if it’s time to quit something, or at least postpone.
Because the weight of expectations I put on myself
to do ALL THE THINGS
can be heavier than 10 boxes loaded with junk in my storage.
And that brings me to an article I published recently on this topic!
Ungoaling:
Not Hanging on Too Hard to Your Goals
Once upon a time, there was a little girl. As young as eleven, she was speeding through life at top speed, intent to check every box, achieve every goal, and reach the finish line of success.
Until the day came, when she looked up, and thought, “Maybe there is no finish line, maybe that’s made up.”
She saw all the time that had passed, all the effort she’d expended. And for what? She could have just spent more time daydreaming and staring at the ceiling and maybe she would have felt happier that way.
From then on, she didn’t feel particularly motivated to try and set so many goals anymore…And the beautiful thing is, she let that be ok.
That little girl was me and, ‘ungoaling’ is a name I made up for the process of detaching and releasing the need to cling to all of my goals.
In the 36 years of my life, I’ve set many goals and pursued them wholeheartedly. I’ve worked to check each off of my list with single-minded focus and intensity. But achieving those goals never felt as satisfying as I thought it was going to be.
In the last few years there’s something I’ve begun to think deeply about:
If you’re searching for treasure, it’s not just about digging a deep hole, really fast. First, make sure that you’re digging in the right spot.
