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So honesty time:
I had really good feedback two weeks ago when I was being utterly honest. Writing that post also felt really good so I’m doing it again today.
Since then I’ve learned a lot of things about
-being unmotivated,
-being motivated, and
-how to navigate the two.
Sidebar: My life still is kinda hard.
I think Father’s Day week (last week in the USA) was just the perfect time to feel sh%tty.
I’m grieving my dad hard hard hard and it really blows the wind out of my energy sails. Been feeling a little depressed about that.
It was extra intense but grieving isn’t new.
His death been on my mind for years because I’ve been in charge of all the heavy lifting on my dad’s estate paperwork.
And in January I acquired my family business where my dad used to work. It’s a lot.
But, whatever, not feeling good isn’t the end of the story.
Change can still happen.
Lately I have been doing something new that has been helping me look forward to each day.
(It’s been a while since I felt excited to get in bed, looking forward to the next day.)
I felt that way last in 2020, when I was falling in love with my husband and writing a novel and cycling with him around Japan.
The ended.
In 2021 my dad randomly got sick, died, and I got sacked with the weight of estate responsibilities.
There’s been an oppressive weight of things I am responsible for ever since.
It’s created a low, unmotivated, frozen, overwhelmed, depressed
“I don’t want to get out of bed” vibe
that boomerangs back.
SO WHAT CHANGED?
- Being honest really helps. It helps me connect to people who feel similarly and we can know we are not alone.
I really enjoyed the feedback I got about it being relatable and easy to understand. It put a little pep in my step, thank you. Thank you to everyone who reached out.
2. The second puzzle piece came later that day
It was during the final session for my 6 Month Winter Writing Group (the next one will reopen in November).
In that final session we wrote and (literally) danced with our visions for the future 6 months from now and stayed open to the unknown.
It’s easy to overestimate our knowledge about the future. I’m trying to stay open minded.
Surprises live inside the things I don’t know.
When I stay open, wisdom can dawn on me.
Knowing everything that’s going to happen is actually a curse. It’s best to stay open.
KNOW THAT I DON’T KNOW IT ALL.
That’s how I learn new things. Through our group exercises, I embraced this.
That’s when I realized an assumption of mine:
I assumed once I finally do XYZ things, that weight that has been on my shoulders since 2021 would finally lift up.
BUT THIS IS A LIE
I realized that the weight is never going to wrap up. Not now.
Not now that I’m trying to salvage the family business…
This is a permanent responsibility I’ve gained.
Unless I give up (HA! Which I am not going to do)
The weight is never going away.
The weight won’t change when I do XYZ.
There will always be more to do.
The weight is not going to disappear.
But I can change how heavy it feels to me.
HOW? By changing my relationship to the weight:
I don’t have to wait until I am done the whole mountain of things I need to do in order to feel a sense of freedom and release.
That’s where I need to shift my focus…
This one aha moment really put things into perspective for me…
I realized I need to put more energy into shifting this dynamic itself, and not just stressing about the tasks that need to be done.
I needed to start shifting something on the inside.
Specifically: to energize this new way I want to feel so I can tackle everything that I need to do, and feel better as well.
I NEED MORE FIRE.
Motivation is one thing-but feeling fired up is another.
To me it is a very specific feeling that drives me into action from a place of flow.
It’s very uplifting to my spirit, as well.
And from there I decided that I was going to do something new.
GET FIRED UP.
I opened up a document and start collecting pieces of my writing that express my fire.
Words. Video. Audio.
I’m inspiring, I realized. People have told me that alot.
I should inspire myself more intentionally.
The document came together pretty quickly since I’m pretty on top of organizing my notes.
But this wasn’t going to be one and done. This is going to be a practice.
I decided was going to get fired up every day.
I was going to sit down and find the things that inspire my fire.
I will refer back to the materials I have collected every day.
Instead of stumbling on my inspirational words accidentally, I’ll make it a science.
My writings and words have inspired me to get out of a hole time and time again,
but over the upcoming weeks, I’ll explore them as well as the words of others in books, podcasts, videos, and so on.
EXPECT TO SEE MORE ON THIS TOPIC COMING UP!!
I have so much to share about my firey motivation discoveries, I’ll need to continue this in at least one more post…
But the final thing I’ll share today is that since putting my GET FIRED practice into place,
I’ve realized that
Being fired up matters because things in my life right now require bravery and vulnerability.
I can fail. It’s meaningful. It’s emotional. It’s unfamiliar.
That’s why it is hard. That’s why it is draining.
That’s why it’s like a mountain that makes my stomach drop.
And I am grieving, I am grappling with my mental health, I am tired or anxious or low sometimes.
Sometimes I feel really lonely in my experiences
I was raised by a single dad and used to belong to him. Now I’m in my 30s with no parents, a super small number of people I know locally, and I’m floating around a long way from home…
I need to be fired up to feel strong enough to do that heavy lifting that my life requires.
Motivation is not something I pray will bless me.
It is something that I move towards and seek out for myself, it’s a food that I imbibe daily.
There’s no rationalizing inspiration into an existence when it’s not there.
In that way it is pure.
If I don’t feel inspired or motivated,
if I wake up and it’s not there, I will find it,
in writing, in a book, in a podcast and so on.
And now that I am putting in the work,
I am seeing it appear more bit by bit.
This summer,
I’m diving deep into my words.
I’m flipping through old writings and notes every day.
I’m adding to it, highlighting, moving things around, and creating new stuff inspired by the old.
I’m listening to myself.
I’m remembering the things I SAID I wanted to make a priority.
I’m taking those wild, old ideas and turning them into reality.
Starting from the inside out.
It’s the ultimate self care practice. And I’m getting FIRED UP.
Do you want to find your ideas? Your notes?
You can join me, too, if you like!
Your journals, documents and ideas could be full of gold,
but how will you use it if you never look? Or use them?
Let’s dig in,
play with your ideas and
get organized so you can turn your ideas into gold.
Your ideas could spur your next:
-life change.
-great idea for your business.
-article, email, book, or post.
Come join the Digital Organization Club this summer and organize your ideas!
We are 15 people strong! I can wait for us to get started this Thursday.
(It’s not too late to join our 3 Month Summer cohort! You will get all the replays of any class you missed and access to ask me any questions you have.)
Are you joining us?
Come join the Digital Organization Club
P.S.
I just decided that class on SURPRISES
the one I mentioned in my story above that really inspired me…
The replay will be a bonus for members of the Digital Organization Club!
In this one hour class recording, get in touch with where you are going: your sense of direction and vision for the future. And receive important aha moments that will make achieving your writing or business goals that much easier!
It’ll be included in your class hub delivered after you sign up.
Thanks for reading!
