To my beautiful man in Japan. You teach me it is okay to miss someone. When COVID gets in the way, when borders and boundaries are closed, when we can’t touch, can’t speak face to face, can’t share a meal or a room, I know there’s nothing wrong with wanting to and with missing you, just like with others in my life.
…
We live in a time of enforced separation. Some of it is enforced by law and regulation from the outside, some of it is our choice to keep people (and ourselves) safe. Its a matter of life and death. I don’t have a choice about not seeing my boyfriend in Japan now that my Visa has ended, but with family and friends I try to be safe which means we don’t act as we once did.
Like many others I am feeling it. I find strength in sharing how I feel rather than tucking the feelings inside silently. Nine times out of ten, others can relate. I know I am not alone.
Years ago, I dated one or two guys who were “above” missing. I said, “I miss you,” they said, “It must be because I do so much study and Zen meditation, but like I don’t overly attach to anything or anyone.” Of course I felt needy after that, reluctant to say it again.
Some people think not having feelings is the ideal, they think the more evolved thing to do is to turn your feelings off.
But I know different. I think shutting off our feelings is what is wrong with the world. My life has been a journey of missing, from the day I last saw my mom when I was very young. I know what it is like to long for someone who is not here. I know that not being able to see friends and family exactly like before is an emotional blow that deserves to be honored, not discounted as useless material to suppress. We are human, this is how we were made: to miss what we value. In some ways that’s how we know how important it is.
It sucks. You’re not wrong for missing and neither am I. I wish I could offer you an easy solution but the truth is feeling your emotions IS complicated and it takes time. Don’t skip it.
If you enjoy my writing stay tuned for information about my book Freedom Year coming out in just a few weeks! Xo
