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| From Doreen Virtue |
Doreen Virtue posted ” This week’s energy is about revealing hidden secrets. You are being pushed to get brutally honest with yourself. Everything that you’ve pretended to like will come to the surface, forcing you to deal with it directly…
Your best way to handle — and even enjoy — this energy is to take quiet rest time to contemplate your entire life. Admit which parts of our life aren’t working. This knowledge will help you to make important decisions which will help with healthful life changes.
Don’t worry about HOW to change these areas of your life. Just focus upon admitting that these areas need help. Pray for help and guidance, and notice the signs and inner guidance which follows. Healthful life changes can happen quickly and miraculously if you’ll work in partnership with Heaven.”
While I am not sure how many secrets I really have to keep from you blogreaders, as I take vulnerability and honesty to an extreme, this fits.
This week I took a deep look at the patterns that are keeping me stuck in the progression of my business.
I have so many ideas and things I am working on that nothing ends up being completely awesome.
Except for maybe my blogposts.
Truth is editing my novel is really at the point now where I just need to finish.
I need to tie up the loose ends and ship it to an editor already. This would probably take me like a couple weeks if I really applied myself.
I barely worked on it in the last month.
Truth is I’m friggin scared sh*tless that I will finish it and it will be crap.
So I distract myself with my business, telling myself it is more important to sort that out.
But I am scared I will create a Manifest Goddess coaching program and NO one will bite like some other things I did this year.
I am scared I will commit to an ideal client, a class topic, an elevator speech or tagline that won’t resonate.
I am scared I will put a teleclass together and no one will show up.
I am scared I will invest in marketing materials only to lose interest in five minutes.
To be honest, some of these fears are unfounded. But that doesn’t stop them from yammering at me.
I think I have finally hit something with my Manifest Goddess thing.
There is evidence! I’ve always been about feminine power:
- I lost my mom at three which means I’ve always been attracted to strong women to fill that void.
- Fantasy novels with kick ass ladies peaked my imagination and longing as an early reader.
- It led me to find the earth based religions Wicca and Paganism, which had goddesses.
- I friggin loved the Spice Girls.
- I’ve been calling people goddesses since I was 12.
- As a teen I refused to let my boyfriend pay for everything because it was sexist.
- Many times I have pressed myself to be the girl to ask the guy out.
- I listened to chick rock in high school and went to women’s college.
- I wrote a Feminine Musique column featuring female indie musicians.
- I played around with Dominating in the Philly BDSM scene outside of college. Not 100% my thing but super interesting experience.
- I attend a monthly women’s circle.
- I’m so into goddess power I became a Wiccan High Priestess.
- I’m headed to a Visionary Women’s Conference in Cali next weekend just cuz.
The really frustrating thing is that when you find your calling, it doesn’t mean you stop doubting yourself or getting in the way.
In fact Tara Mohr, creator of the Playing Big program for women, taught me that the definition of a calling: a yearning that requires you to express who you really are but it scares the crap out of you because you don’t believe you are that amazing yet.
The hardest part about writing a book or being in the developmental beginning stages of a business is that there is a pile full of stuff to get through to see any results at all.
I found it’s really hard to get people to read your imperfect draft and even offer any feedback on it. But I can only do so much on my own.
And I don’t earn a single dime by having two unpublished drafts, as awesome as the concepts of them are.
I don’t earn a dime by being unclear about who I am trying to serve and with what.
But to get there one has to keep going, be imperfect, make mistakes, write new drafts.
SO I’M GOING TO KEEP GOING THROUGH THE FEAR.
I think this bubbling fear means that I am on to something.
And now:
I am going on a media diet over the weekend. Long weekend actually. (hence early post)
I will be banned from consuming media and only allowed to create my own or entertain myself in other ways.
What will I doooo? No books? No internet? No music or classes or teleseminars? no email?
Well I’m really hoping I’m going to create some badass sh*t.
Here’s to stopping the self-sabotage.
And don’t worry I’ll still be posting scheduled cool stuff on facebook 🙂
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Thanks Jeri, I couldn’t have gotten this far without you honestly
I am coming more and more into my feminine self, I have not been drawn to exploring it as much as I was scared off by the sheer power of being a woman. It has been a hard road at times, but reading your blog helps me tremendously. I am feeling fragmented and unguided most times, but I will hold your message with me
yayyyyy to be honest I have a strong masculine side as well as feminine side. I think it makes me more creative and a better observer. But the most important thing is giving yourself credit for where you are now, everything you’ve done to get where you are, and pat yourself on the back for your efforts. Gets you where you want to be feeling a lot faster than a lot of other trials.