I want to tell you a story of a little girl who loved to sing.
When I was a little girl I sang all the time. I especially loved the part from The Little Mermaid where Ariel is just singing this repeating melody while the prince falls in love with her. “AAA aaa AAA aaa.”
I watched that and Beauty and the Beast on Repeat. I also loved Rainbow Brite and some Barbie Rockstar movies because of the singing.
I collected Betty Boop (and many other) stickers just because she had a theme song I liked.
I loved the girl dinosaur from Barnie and made my dad donate money to PBS so I could have a stuffed animal. This was before the updates to the costumes made their head so squished.
When I was seven and we entered a more prosperous period, my dad bought a keyboard. I remember it played the melody of “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go.” I would dance around it as the melody played and drive my dad crazy as I played it again and again.
I did that also by playing the Clueless soundtrack, you know the “and my hair will shine like the sea, seeee-eee-eee” song.
Luckily being a musician my dad was pretty tolerant of all of this nonsense.
At times I would ask him to give me a topic and I would make a song out of it. He’d say one thing and I’d reject in favor of flowers or rainbows or something totally different.
In fifth grade I reached my peak by lip sinking “Spice Up Your Life” at a Talent Show. I was sporty which was awesome because I could do this sweet spinning kick I learned in karate.
Early in middle school I met friends that I still hang out with today. We recorded our own video to “Heartbreaker” by Mariah Carey.
Shortly after entering middle school we entered the age of self consciousness.
I talk about my trials in my short story “How I Became a Writer and a Witch” but in sum, something happened to suck the fun out of singing.
I became afraid to sing because I have a hard time remembering lyrics. For me it’s the same as directions–I need like 20 repetitions to consistently spit out the same words. Don’t ask me why.
Looking back now I know I have a great memory for the sounds of songs, and I can make up lyrics off the top of my head. Not that I can remember them later either lol.
I kept quiet because I didn’t want to be made fun of for singing things “wrong”—which even my friends did without realizing it really hurt my confidence.
Instead I played flute in band, danced–all to routines, nothing I made up. Nothing really putting me on the spot.
If I sang it was in my car to Fiona Apple, or at home mimicking the sounds of my dads Irish music, or things in foreign languages (no one could correct me!).
My friend recorded over the music video. I didn’t blame her. I was embarassed.
For years I was too embarrassed to sing.
Several years ago I tried out for another Talent show and my voice crackled from the pressure. I still got the spot singing “I Want to Hold Your Hand.”
After I performed at least ten or fifteen people told me I did a good job.
But you know what? I didn’t feel on top of the world because of that.
The pay off was doing it for myself.
I have often been told I am brave or courageous to pour my heart out, to be honest about my life, my hurts, my pain.
There is bravery that is unhealthy and for a long time I used my bravery to ask a guy out who probably wasn’t good for me, or to go in for an interview for a job that wasn’t right, or to put myself out seeking praise or approval.
The kind of bravery I covet now is the kind where the real payoff is for my soul.
A while ago I wrote in Healing Blue Moon, how proud I was to actually record one of the songs I made up on the spot. It’s completely silly–but it felt realllly good.
The last post was my recent performance of “Reflections” from Mulan. This was really open for me because that’s my song, that is my story—being afraid to be myself full out.
Well this is how I became a singer, in addition to being a writer, an intuitive, a massage therapist (even though I have an ivy league degree). Because I decided the ultimate bravery is to do things that I wanted to do even if no one else cared.
That’s why I took singing lessons the past couple months.
And this week, I listened to an old intuitive reading. I was advised that I could do sound therapy “use your voice, use your flute. You don’t need a certification, the power to do it is inside of you.”
And so I did. I just opened my mouth and sang, used my visualization and channeling techniques to direct the energy at each chakra. Used my flute too. Added a crystal.
And bam. I could feel it an hour later like I had given my chakras a deep tissue massage.
At first I was scared to share with my intuitive development teacher. What if she didn’t feel anything? She loved it!
And so a sound healer is born.
Unblock yo’self. You have no idea how important it is to give the world your gifts.
If you need help, please know I am here.
I will be a vendor of my sound healing, massage and more in the Manifest Goddess Tent at KarmaFest this Saturday in Maryland.
Please share—have you been shy to sing? But do you sing when no one else is around?
