Wishing health and peace on everyone on the planet, including the US president.
I may not like how he behaves or support his agenda, but he is still a person. And COVID is a pretty terrible way to go, and a terrible thing to recover from even if you survive it. Many people have awful symptoms afterwards. It is not an easy road.
Hoping our nation as a whole is able to turn the ship on this virus soon. And wishing positive things in your experience, a way of personally or creatively expanding that is a win win for all. xoxo
I have been in a battle with myself my whole life. Publishing my book “Freedom Year: How Trying to be a Dominatrix (and Failing) Changed my Life” in August was a strike that changed the whole playing field.
It was me standing up for myself–as I am. I am loveable, I am worthy and I don’t need to be perfect. I don’t need to scrub my past clean of taboo or traumas or sex or the times when I was so lost I didn’t know which way was up.
But that doesn’t mean it was easy to press publish and it doesn’t mean my struggles ended. In fact publishing it was so intense for me that I knew I was immediately contracting and avoiding visibility online the day after. This feeling has gone on over the past 2 months since.
I’m aware of the parts of me that want to hide. I do not regret publishing, or taking a step back from marketing to go inwards, but I have been waiting for my vulnerability and fragileness to temper out.
It’s taking a while with everything going on so I’ve been making other changes to my life to support me. One thing is hiring someone to help me for example updating my blog and email newsletter which have fallen by the way side since early August as I went into this contraction. Feeling more supported is giving me some oomph for this post.
My old wounds are things that I never asked for. I work on my shit but accept I don’t need to wait to be perfectly healed to help others or show up because living fully means reopening my wounds. It just happens.
I cannot control needing to contract, or needing to have time to settle into a whole new way of being. I’m not only an author now, but a recovering perfectionist. It’s incredibly vulnerable. I edited my book for 8 years and I still want to keep fixing it every time I pick it up even though I know it needs to be left alone.
But what’s really cool is I don’t need to be perfect. I don’t have anything to proove. I wrote and published to celebrate ME. So I am not doing anything that doesn’t feel like me and what I need right now.
I am gentle with myself and that is okay. This is my process and it doesnt have to look like anyone else’s.
Carl Jung spent time thinking about how to prevent another world war. He analyzed what happened in WWII and he saw that it could happen again.
What did he recommend? When a single person seems tiny compared to masses of people? How do you as an individual make a difference?
Face your shadows: your judgements, your anger, your sadness, your power, your weakness–whatever you have repressed or denied.
He said that is how we avert another war, to face the wars inside of ourselves.
Let’s start with where you judge yourself. Lately I am looking at the judgements holding back my deepest, powerful, giddy, happy inner child self. She is in my shadow and she is powerful, but she gets blocked from helping me shine because a judgemental part of me holds her back to protect her.
For me negotiating between these two parts of me is very powerful and it has ripple effects that will change the world. Because as I integrate my shadow, I become more powerful and I can do the things I need to do to create broader change.
Where are you in judgement?
How can you create a dialogue between the two parts at war and find more peace or integration?
Lighting a candle on my altar for Breonna Taylor and the problems with justice in our world. The judicial decisions made after her death do not give her the respect that she deserves. My heart goes out to everyone upset at this absence in our current world.
In these difficult times, I find it helpful to remember what I value and call on that to get me through. That’s why I light candles: to invite inspiration, beauty, justice, hope, resilience, and positivity into the world. It helps me grieve and give honor to the things and the people who are important. I see the harsh situations and acknowledge them while asking for something more. My hands are open to receive grace and I wish these blessings for the many people who need it right now.
I accept that everything changes, all things have a season, and I have my own cycles.
I am allowed to change and grow. I am free to rest when I need to. The moon hides her face once a month. Trees lose their leaves. And then one day, when the time is right, everything changes.
I’m done trying to be everything to everyone all the time. I accept myself where I am at right now, as well as every minute of every day.
There is nothing to prove and nowhere to go, except to be here now in this exact moment. The end.
At 21, Sofia Wren realizes that she is a total doormat. Her boss steals money from her. She gets her heart broken too many times. But when she starts losing friends because she is so passive, it really gets real. What is she doing wrong?
Sofia is ready to do just about anything to finally master being a “strong, independent woman” in real life, when her best friend suggests she try being more dominant and meet men who will not only give her all the power, but also clean her kitchen, treat her like a goddess, and give her endless pleasure for free.
As she pursues power, Sofia struggles once more to be and act like the best possible version of herself. How can she become a strong, empowered woman and get what the good girl inside of her wants—without going too far?
Read the events during a pivotal year that awakened a new understanding of what true freedom and power look like.
Freedom Year: How Trying to be a Dominatrix (and Failing) Changed my Life.
