This week has been incredible. Correction: the past month has been incredible, but this week I have truly begun to heal.
I have spent most of the month on vacation. This week I returned to work. It wasn’t easy to give up the feeling of endless time. Especially the space to write, create, read, study – my passions.
That first day in the office almost made me think I couldn’t go back. I clocked eleven hours managing my wellness office. But I made it through.
After work, I relaxed by beginning a Creative Goddess course by Leonie Dawson. She began with a meditation to accept those scary parts of ourselves we fear others will see. I took a walk, and used leaves I found to paint the above picture.
The second day, I pulled a card from The Druid Plant Oracle before work. I drew Reversed Borage. (Imagine the below picture upside down or less positive in outlook.)
Borage told me that sometimes we need to hold our tongue and accept that the present situation, although difficult, may be good for us.
That day I struck up conversations with many long term clients. And that put me in a really good mood. I absolutely love to segue from small talk and really get to know people.
Suddenly, I rediscovered why I work, and why I care about my work.
My life’s purpose is to connect.
Just that understanding has caused so much healing in me. The beautiful aspect of my job is that I connect with people all over the place, and I’m good at it. And I realized this goal carries over to my writing as well. The point for me is not fame or fortune. The point is connection with like minded readers, or as John Locke puts it “the cool people.”
And like Leonie’s meditation, soul healing is a connection with the selves we have shunned. That dark and scary process of daring to be original, weird, sad, angry, opinionated, etc.
I’m still figuring out who exactly the cool people are, but I have already found some—my women’s group for instance. Usually we meet at every full moon to celebrate an archetype.
For me I think stepping out of the distance I use to protect myself is essential to my healing. Being silly, creative and vulnerable is essential. I need to connect to others, to unconditionally love myself and my work, forgive the mistakes and give myself permission to make them. I need to connect myself to hope and love in the midst of discipline and preparation. I need to connect every potential of myself I have, the shards of my personality I have put aside in fear.
Healing is a process, but it’s happening. I’ve never felt better.
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Yay thank you Deep Glade 🙂 I love synchronicity too — makes me feel safe and headed in the right direction
Sabrina GarieSeptember 7, 2012, 11:10 am
Oddly, the summer through me off. It went by too fast, packed too much in, had a few challenges to handle. Sometimes, I think we need to get thrown off our game as a catalyst to look more consciously at healing and wellness. So that’s where I am, looking to be more intentional, hence the cleanse next week.
wrendoloroSeptember 12, 2012, 1:51 am
Thank youuuu
wrendoloroSeptember 12, 2012, 1:52 am
Fall is definitely a tuck in sort of time. I hope everything is going well….the caffeine drop off goes away eventually!
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I truly adore your ‘chocolate’ song…beautiful! Actually your post has inspired me. I love it when synchronicity hits 🙂
Blessings to you
Deep~Glade
Yay thank you Deep Glade 🙂 I love synchronicity too — makes me feel safe and headed in the right direction
Oddly, the summer through me off. It went by too fast, packed too much in, had a few challenges to handle. Sometimes, I think we need to get thrown off our game as a catalyst to look more consciously at healing and wellness. So that’s where I am, looking to be more intentional, hence the cleanse next week.
Thank youuuu
Fall is definitely a tuck in sort of time. I hope everything is going well….the caffeine drop off goes away eventually!