How is your day going?
I hope you are doing well.
ME: my head is still a little fuzzy from being sick and
There are a million things I want to do, write and share…
Like my post today.
If you read all of my last “greatest hits” series of emails,
You’ll have seen hints of this theme woven through
(If you missed any, you can find them all on my blog)
🌼💜📣 I’m taking a stand for self love.
I know this whole idea is seriously overplayed,
to the point that ‘self-love’ feels like a meaningless concept.
Also we act like self love is this thing that you can just turn on instantly when you remember it,
like, “Did you know your house is wired for electricity?
Yeah, it’s all paid, just flip the light on!”
The truth is navigating life is a lot more complicated than switching on a light switch…
or at least it has been for me.
As someone
-highly sensitive
-empathetic
-feeling
plus:
-creative (although I didn’t use to think I was)
-a survivor of traumas and losses galore…
My first survival responses were to shut ALL THAT DOWN.
The feelings, the traumas, the ick.
And the softness, the creativity, the good stuff, too.
It had to go.
Why?
I needed to protect myself at a young age.
That was self love then, protect, supress, hide, get through it.
But it had a price. I lost myself.
I didn’t even know who I was.
I was ‘cool with everything.’
I rarely said what I really thought.
To survive,
I distanced myself from feeling hurt and afraid, and
I stopped listening to my thoughts of how to escape an inescapable situation.
Good news: it worked.
I slipped through the cracks just like I planned.
My methods of self protection got me out of harms way, to where I am today.
That was self love at the time.
But it sucked to keep living like that when I was out of acute danger.
Without fear I didn’t notice dangerous people.
Without hurt I let bad things go on to long.
And I missed so much of the joys of life.
My life’s work has been in the undoing and unlearning.
Especially now.
The last few years have changed everything,
My dad’s death tanked me in so many ways,
and I’m doing self love 2.0.
I’ve been trying to energize new patterns to meet this moment.
Note: this is NOT an instant light switch moment.
These are new patterns I’ve spent years expanding and exploring.
New patterns of self love.
Now I spend more time de-armoring.
I still watch my purse in a crowd,
but when I’m by myself I want to be soft.
🌼💜📣
I want to be warm.
I want to be held
I want to be gentle.
I want to be loved.
🌼💜📣
I don’t want to always have to be strong anymore.
I don’t want to wait until XYZ happens to rest.
I don’t care if my goal is almost there.
We’ve played these games before, my demons and I.
I’m skeptical of these promises of just push a little bit longer.
There’s nothing on the other side.
I want my shoulders to stop being up at my ears.
I want to feel less anxiety.
My inner child is tired of waiting.
My heartbreak is tired of being suppressed.
It’s over.
And I didn’t really decide this.
Since my father died, my last parent,
my tears don’t stay in my eyes anymore.
The time to buck up is over for me.
My father was taken.
Everything I had learned, and experienced reached a tipping point.
I did the writing and healing work for years but
my dad’s death was the final straw.
THE DESCENT OF PAIN.
Things changed and
I was changed.
🌼💜📣 But I decided to go with that change.
I decided to ride the wave.
What did I decide to do this year?
I took a lot of time to write and get really, really clear on my focus for 2023:
🌼💜📣 To focus on my relationship with myself.
This has been the foundation of my year.
And I’ve been digging into the foundations of a lot of things,
tax things, health things, legal things, car things, tech things.
Rearranging things increased my business profit.
I published over 25 articles before summer started.
I was a writing expert at a conference.
I did new stuff, big stuff
BUT
🌼💜📣 In 2023 my goals didn’t come first,
unlike every single year as far back as I could remember,
I put me first.
My relationship with myself is the FOUNDATION.
All year I have taken a stand against the voices that say:
-You should be focusing on your work.
-This is going to hurt someone.
-This is so short sided.
-You didn’t earn this, you don’t deserve this.
-It’s not safe to.
I took the time to discern if they were lying.
Are they on my side or are they not?
Because I know ordinary people can be wrong, very wrong.
I check my work twice.
I have my integrity.
Navigating the questions is not an instant light switch moment every time.
I write to figure it out.
I take time.
There are so many words I write that you never, ever see.
I figure things out day by day,
what’s true and what’s a lie.
I do a lot of different things but always writing.
What is the question you are asking yourself about?
For the person of two minds,
grappling with the many voices.
Let me take a minute to assure you.
It’s okay to take your time to figure it out….
and:
🌼💜📣 When you know, you know.
Those moments of clarity.
You know you’ve reached a wall or a limit,
and all the voices, all the logic,
everything in the world can tell you you are wrong,
but you know, yes, in this case
YOU ARE THE EXCEPTION OF THE RULE
You can be free of the container,
you need to be free of it.
You’re ready for something new.
It’s time to leave something behind.
🌼💜📣 Yes you can. You can be free.
You can pursue the desire, the plan, the vision.
And I know other people have said they were the exception
and been wrong,
but just because they were wrong doesn’t mean you are.
When you know, you know.
You know what’s right for you and
you have to find the courage to do it.
Stop looking to the narcissists and the murderers and the thieves for your examples.
You are not like them.
🌼💜📣 YOU ARE YOU.
Take the role of standing in your own defense.
Explore it, write it out, and stop ruminating in your head.
GET IT OUT ON PAPER.
Right now.
Set a timer for 5 minutes and write about it.
I’ve spent a lot of time as a writer exploring what is important,
important to ME and
I’ve found my answers.
Important:
Myself, as the person who has ALWAYS had my back.
🌼💜📣 Being my own best friend.
It’s worth taking the time to stop and listen or rest.
It’s worth prioritizing the things I say I need.
It’s worth taking a stand for self love.
I’m worth writing about.
I’m worth taking a stand for.
Self love is worth taking a stand for.
If this resonates with you,
Scroll below for some ways I can support you on this journey.
I’m looking forward to talking more about this theme over the next month.
I’m looking forward to talking more about this theme over the next month.
Join the next Heartfelt Writing Challenge, a free event happening in December.
🌼💜📣 21 Day Heartfelt Writing Challenge:
Use writing to tap into a better relationship with yourself,
which is a worthy goal in itself,
and get clarity on what to do next in your book, business or life goals.
Free writing prompts and community.
Sign ups are coming soon.
Stay tuned!
Join the next Winter Writing Group during the Black Friday Sale!
🌼💜📣 6 Month Winter Writing Group
My inner circle of writers who receive classes, personal feedback and help from me to write over 6 months.
The theme for the season is Paths of Service,
which for me means honoring my self first and using writing to stay on track with that.
For you it might be working on a book or business.
All are welcome, because self love is a service.
The group goes on sale for Black Friday.
Spots are limited.
We’ve sold out a couple times.
And one or two writers or entrepreneurs can get the new Deep Coaching 1-1 upgrade on sale, too.
🌼💜📣 Get the sale (ONLY FOR THE WAITLIST)
& write with us at the best possible price:
Hear more about the Black Friday Special by signing up here: Winter Writing Group waitlist
