Two weeks ago I had the pleasure of hearing “Gazing Within”, a soung healing composition by Jim Oliver recorded with my energy teacher Kenji Kumar energizing the studio.
I use my voice and harp for healing so I know the best way to take it in. Lay down and get comfy and just stay open like a child.
As I listened I suddenly had two images come to mind. I became highly aware that even though I was cramped up with female complaints, I was wearing bra and underwear on my bed. Kindof sexy.
Rather than feel scandalous or self conscious like I normally do, I felt aware of my body, and I felt aware of the feminine powers such wiles give me that I often admire in other women. And I felt ok with that.
I realized we often look to others to have things we want for ourselves. This was in me, I felt it, and I didn’t fight it as some other half.
I thought briefly of when I decided to change my name to Sofia Wren. Two names for two different sides….the healing innocent, and the wicked fire of innovation.
My coach Kris Oster had asked me, “What would Wren say if she got to be part of your name?”
“She’s happy to be getting out more…”
Images flashed through my mind, stepping into a cab and adjusting my velvet skirt, taking the high heels out of the closet to prop up on bar stools, laughing so hard my eyes hurt, waving over the server, another bottle of wine to celebrate my success. Dance music, and glittery clothes.
“And Sofia about adding Wren?”
“She’d like company, someone to keep her strong.”
Bills paid in full, clients around the door. The healer is in and appreciated, making a decent living, giving her gift and being valued for it.
On my bed suddenly I felt a connection enwrapping every part of me in peace.
I could see golden light on the backs of my eyelids, the shift, tendrils of myself holding hands to join into wholeness.
I thought of Ariel from the little mermaid. She is how I feel when I sing as a sound healer, when I am on the beach.
I let myself be light, be Yin and soft.
But I also remembered the octopus, my spirit animal, and how the Sea Witch transforms into one at the end of the movie.
But it didn’t scare me to have that force, that Yang, inside me anymore.
I knew I’d find a good use for all my powers, all my possibilities.
This is just like the myth of the Gorgon I thought. They chopped off the SeaWitch’s head to keep her out of good little girls.
There is no Ariel and the Sea Witch fighting inside of me. I am all. I am all as I am supposed to be.
Finally, everything I’ve been building up to behind the scenes just fit together.
“Consider that it may be easy,” Jim says in his later interview. He spoke of manifesting abundance, but I think he really meant it about everything.
